It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

Well, I'm now officially 36 yrs old. It's one of those in between years, it's not a big one like 30, 35 or 40 - the next major milestone! It's been a rather ordinary day really...work this morning, at lunch had my tooth ripped out, and this afternoon, I've spent it miserable at home watching DVD's.

Birthdays were never big things in our family and so I'm not particularly down because of today's relatively low key nature. Although we didn't really celebrate birthdays in my family, mum and dad would always ring me on my birthday, just to say hello and to let me know they were thinking of me. I always liked receiving those calls but of course, today it didn't happen.

I know they would've been thinking of me, but instead of being proud of me, they would be saddened by my actions. They sincerely believe that the course I've chosen - ie coming out - is religiously and morally wrong and that it can only lead to negative consequences. And that is difficult to deal with, knowing that you've disappointed your parents.

I tend not to think about it generally - does no good living one's life with regret, and I don't regret coming out and being myself, being honest with myself and my family and friends. But on days like this, I can't help but miss talking to my parents and my oldest brother.

So Monty is a bit of a miserable sort this evening - pain in his head, and in his heart! But, before I get too melancholy, I do have to reinforce the fact that I don't regret the stand that I have made. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders, being able to come clean and I did fully understand the consequences of my actions, both the good and the bad. I was prepared to deal with this stuff, and so far, it's been mostly good. It's only on days like today that it's a bit harder to deal with.

So please don't feel sorry for me...I'll bounce back tomorrow! :-) I invariably do! I've been blessed with a quite optomistic outlook on life and that keeps me in good stead.