Well, it's on for young and old at the moment. I settle on my apartment next Tuesday and move in on the following weekend, so I'm currently up to my ears in boxes, packing all my worldly goods in anticipation. It's very exciting as well as very stressful, but at the moment, the excitement is winning. I'm taking the opportunity to update my interiors as well, so I'm giving about half of my furniture away to a charity and buying new stuff. Last weekend, I bought me a lovely new bed and mattress and this week, I popped into David Jones and got a new set of sheets...lovely 525 thread count cotton "Sanderson" sheets. Apparently, they're so marvellous the Queen uses them (well, she officially endorses them anyway)! They do feel so wonderfully smooth - almost satin-like. Bliss. I can't wait to try out my new sheets, on my new mattress, on my new bed, in my new apartment with my very hot boyfriend!!! Wahooo!
This weekend is going to be mostly about packing...and a quiet BBQ with some friends at McBrad's, followed by a bit of a dance at Palms!
It's funny, as I've been going through my stuff at home, sorting out what to keep and what to flick, I've had to reflect on my "old" life. There's so much stuff that I've not used/worn since I came out for one reason or another and so a lot of it has gone into the "flick" pile, but everything has a memory attached, mostly good. It's not that I want to forget that life - I don't! I really liked my life up until I came out, with that one small exception of my struggle about my sexuality. Otherwise, it was all good. But it's a matter of moving on now. This is my opportunity to leave those last few vestiges of that life behind and start looking forward.
As always, my gorgeous McBrad has been a pillar of support and kindness and I can never get over how lucky I am. After all those ups and downs of dating, to have found someone as wonderful as McBrad is just fan-bloody-tastic!
Showing posts with label Coming out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Coming out. Show all posts
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Not that I'm counting...
...but on the 29th of September, I'll be celebrating two interlinked things...it will be the 3rd anniversary of my coming out and exactly 18 months together for McBrad and I. It's funny, 18 months doesn't really sound like much, but it feels like we've compacted a lot of stuff into it. We actually had a BBQ last night and it was a great feeling to see my friends and his friends mixing so well - the first time we did this, it did feel like my friends stayed together and his friends stayed together, but last night, it seemed like everyone was mingling. So despite the rather blustery conditions (or maybe in spite of the blustery conditions) it was a great night.
This morning, we cleaned up, went out for brekkie with Noodle and then we hit the SupaCentre for some furniture shopping. I'm planning on updating a few bits and pieces when I move into my new apartment and needed some inspiration and also a bit of an idea as to what it was going to cost me. I'm now busy re-writing budgets!!! I love that McBrad is just as excited (if not a bit more) as me about my new apartment - I feel so lucky to have such a supportive man!
It's funny, I have been rather haphazard at best of recent times in my blogging, and I'm finding it increasingly challenging to be motivated to continue the blog, but the other night, I re-read some of my first few posts and I was reminded why this blog has been a great thing for me. It's amazing to look back and remember how I was in those first few weeks and months after coming out. The same Monty is still here, but it's a much more confident, more relaxed Monty. After years of not really feeling comfortable in my skin (much of which had to do with my struggle coming to terms with my sexuality), I'm feel like I'm actually living the life I want and the life I'm comfortable with. So, although I do feel that this blog is fast running out of steam, I think there's still a few posts left in it.
Anyway, I hope everyone has had a great weekend.
This morning, we cleaned up, went out for brekkie with Noodle and then we hit the SupaCentre for some furniture shopping. I'm planning on updating a few bits and pieces when I move into my new apartment and needed some inspiration and also a bit of an idea as to what it was going to cost me. I'm now busy re-writing budgets!!! I love that McBrad is just as excited (if not a bit more) as me about my new apartment - I feel so lucky to have such a supportive man!
It's funny, I have been rather haphazard at best of recent times in my blogging, and I'm finding it increasingly challenging to be motivated to continue the blog, but the other night, I re-read some of my first few posts and I was reminded why this blog has been a great thing for me. It's amazing to look back and remember how I was in those first few weeks and months after coming out. The same Monty is still here, but it's a much more confident, more relaxed Monty. After years of not really feeling comfortable in my skin (much of which had to do with my struggle coming to terms with my sexuality), I'm feel like I'm actually living the life I want and the life I'm comfortable with. So, although I do feel that this blog is fast running out of steam, I think there's still a few posts left in it.
Anyway, I hope everyone has had a great weekend.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Changing Rooms...
Well, for those of you who aren't Facebook friends (and so have not seen my status updates over the past week), it's official. We exchanged contracts on Tuesday just gone which means I now am the pround owner of both a large hole in my bank account AND a contract obliging me to cough up with a substantial bucket of cash in just over 5 weeks. In exchange, I'll receive title to a rather small, but cute apartment over on the "other side" of the harbour. Much to the disgust of Tom, our late lamented aspiring-chef/blogger, I shall be departing the leafy North Shore for the somewhat seedy streets of the inner south - in fact, I'm almost moving into the "Ghetto" (the gay variety) which is something I promised myself I would never do.
That being said, once I got over the stress of actually making the decision to buy over there, and the whole to'ing and fro'ing between me, the agent, the solicitors and the vendor, I'm really looking forward to the move. I was only thinking about it the other day, when I caught up with Tom for a cup cake and coffee, that this is the final break from my former life. You see, over the past 3 years since coming out, my life has been one of gradual changes. Friends dropped me when I came out, and so I had to make new ones. Most of my family cut me off and so I've had to adopt a new "family". Even my previously very conservative wardrobe has become a little bit more flamboyant as I've become accustomed to my new "skin". I've even put on weight (something I was never able to do previously), most of which is more muscle. I've got me a wonderful partner now. I have a new car. And now, I'm leaving my lovely North shore apartment - it has so many memories of my former life, lovely memories of course, but now just memories. It was a constant in my life when everything was turned on its head, a safe harbour as it were, but now, it represents a past that is no longer relevant to me. It's the right time to move on, to get on with my new life with McBrad and my new friends and family. I'm planning on throwing out (or donating to charities) lots of stuff - furniture, clothes, etc - and so it's really going to be quite a new start for me. Scary, but exciting at the same time.
It was funny, I was woken this morning by someone starting their lawn mower - a sound I love but a sound that I will definitely not be hearing at my new apartment. And as I lay there in bed, I started compiling a list of things I would miss about this place, as well as things I'm looking forward to in the new apartment.
Things I'll miss...
That being said, once I got over the stress of actually making the decision to buy over there, and the whole to'ing and fro'ing between me, the agent, the solicitors and the vendor, I'm really looking forward to the move. I was only thinking about it the other day, when I caught up with Tom for a cup cake and coffee, that this is the final break from my former life. You see, over the past 3 years since coming out, my life has been one of gradual changes. Friends dropped me when I came out, and so I had to make new ones. Most of my family cut me off and so I've had to adopt a new "family". Even my previously very conservative wardrobe has become a little bit more flamboyant as I've become accustomed to my new "skin". I've even put on weight (something I was never able to do previously), most of which is more muscle. I've got me a wonderful partner now. I have a new car. And now, I'm leaving my lovely North shore apartment - it has so many memories of my former life, lovely memories of course, but now just memories. It was a constant in my life when everything was turned on its head, a safe harbour as it were, but now, it represents a past that is no longer relevant to me. It's the right time to move on, to get on with my new life with McBrad and my new friends and family. I'm planning on throwing out (or donating to charities) lots of stuff - furniture, clothes, etc - and so it's really going to be quite a new start for me. Scary, but exciting at the same time.
It was funny, I was woken this morning by someone starting their lawn mower - a sound I love but a sound that I will definitely not be hearing at my new apartment. And as I lay there in bed, I started compiling a list of things I would miss about this place, as well as things I'm looking forward to in the new apartment.
Things I'll miss...
- The lovely tree lined streets, with their lovely gardens and lawns
- The absolute quiet of my suburb
- My local Grumpy Baker - I love popping down on a Sat/Sun morning for a long black coffee and ham and cheese croissant
- Crossing the Harbour Bridge on the way to/from work. It's an experience that never gets stale, no matter how many times I've done it.
- The distinction of being a North Shore Gay - there are so few of us over here that it's always a talking point when I meet people
Things I'm looking forward to...
- Being closer to McBrad (only about 7 minutes drive) and 95% of my friends
- The nice French cafe literally around the corner from my new apartment. Hopefully, their ham and cheese croissants are better than the Grumpy Baker's! (their coffee is very good, I've tried it already)
- All the savings I'll have from not having to pay Harbour Bridge/Tunnell tolls (seriously, I spend a small fortune each month driving back and forth)
- Closeness to the puppy park and puppy shop - Noodle will LOVE it! And to Dan Murphy's and Victoria's Basement!
- Easier access to the Eastern Beaches
Sunday, February 01, 2009
January...
It's the last day of January 2009 and I've barely written anything in my blog! I've been lacking the desire/will to do so for the last few weeks...whether it's just the summer slackness or something more fundamental I'm not sure. It's kinda feeling like my blog has served its purpose and now updating seems to be more like updating my diary than anything else. I originally started blogging at the suggestion of a friend who himself was a blogger (and who has since stopped)...he thought it would be a good outlet for me to be able to express myself, having recently come out and trying to deal with the ramifications. And it was a great suggestion! Apart from the therapeutic benefits of being able to get stuff off my chest, thanks to many of you, my dear readers, I came to realize that lots of people out there had similar issues to deal with. So my blog became part of my coming out, with all my experiences dutifully recorded for posterity. All the new stuff that I had to deal with became a lot easier with the feedback that I received. And of course, the friends I've made through blogging has been a very unexpected blessing.
But what am I saying? Well, lately, it just seems like I'm simply updating what I've been doing, where I've been going etc, which really isn't that interesting. I feel like I'm in a settled place in my life, with my wonderful McBrad a major factor in that. Obviously we have our issues to deal with but I'm not going to blog those, because while I'm quite comfortable blogging about my own issues, I don't think it's fair to discuss stuff about McBrad - I would only be stating my side of the story and as I'm convince, there's always 3 sides to every story - mine, McBrad's and the truth. Each of us has a different perspective on things and so our respective stories would be influenced by that. That being said, there's not been anything significant to write about...I feel like I've been very lucky to find someone like him and so am happy as Larry!
Anyway, it's a bit of a ramble, but I'm seriously questioning the necessity of this blog, and my desire to continue. I've not yet decided, but just thought I should give you some advance warning about what I'm thinking.
It's a lovely warm weekend here in Sydney, beatiful sunny skies. We took Noodle to the beach today and it was wonderful! Hope all of you are having great weekends too!!!!
But what am I saying? Well, lately, it just seems like I'm simply updating what I've been doing, where I've been going etc, which really isn't that interesting. I feel like I'm in a settled place in my life, with my wonderful McBrad a major factor in that. Obviously we have our issues to deal with but I'm not going to blog those, because while I'm quite comfortable blogging about my own issues, I don't think it's fair to discuss stuff about McBrad - I would only be stating my side of the story and as I'm convince, there's always 3 sides to every story - mine, McBrad's and the truth. Each of us has a different perspective on things and so our respective stories would be influenced by that. That being said, there's not been anything significant to write about...I feel like I've been very lucky to find someone like him and so am happy as Larry!
Anyway, it's a bit of a ramble, but I'm seriously questioning the necessity of this blog, and my desire to continue. I've not yet decided, but just thought I should give you some advance warning about what I'm thinking.
It's a lovely warm weekend here in Sydney, beatiful sunny skies. We took Noodle to the beach today and it was wonderful! Hope all of you are having great weekends too!!!!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Thaw...
I didn't blog about this when it happened, as it was quite an emotional incident which took me a while to digest. Most of you, my dear readers, would be aware that my parents didn't take my coming out very well and so cut off communication. Well, on the day of my last birthday, back in April, my dad rang me. This took me by complete surprise! It was a somewhat stilted conversation, quite awkward in fact, but I was touched that he had rung. It was more of a "just checking you're alive and you're well" kinda conversation with the inevitable "so have you changed your mind about living 'this lifestyle'?" question at the end. Of course, I told him that nothing had changed in that respect. And so at the end of the conversation, it was a "we'll call you" type sign off. It wasn't an ideal ending but I was heartened by the fact that they had made an attempt to contact me. I still knew however, that I wasn't welcome in the "bosom" of the family.
Today, dad rang me again. But this time it felt a lot different. We had more of a fluent conversation - yes, we did deal with the weather, my health, work, housing market and fairly generic stuff. But it actually felt a bit more like a normal conversation that I used to have with him (pre-outing). And more importantly, there was no Big Question at the end. It kinda felt like they were going with the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. Even though the pink elephant was still in the room, it was like they were coming to accept that the pink elephant was here to stay. It's not ideal, but it does feel a bit more like a thaw in our relationship which is really really great! I don't know how things will progress, but at least it seems like progress has been made...it'll be slow, but...! :-)
On a completely unrelated topic, I mentioned how I was unable to view or write my blog at work now due to new filters. Well, it's all very strange. You see, I can log on and read Tom's blog, Muzbot's blog; in fact, most of my regular reads I can still read. I just can't read mine. When I do attempt, the filter provides a reason why I have been blocked...in the case of this blog, it's because it's a "Personal Blog" and "GLBT content". So, apparently my blog is overtly gay whereas most of you, my dear readers, are NOT! How interesting! And annoying! Anyway, so my blogging is still somewhat hit and miss, even though my commenting on your blogs may still continue.
On the weekend, I made Stage 2 and Stage 3 of my garden project at McBrad's. It's very exciting...there's only Stage 4 before it's finished. Already, he's very impressed with how things are looking and I'm quite thrilled. It's been such fun to get my hands dirty and very fulfilling to see the end result. I do promise I'll post some pics when it's done!
Anyway, that's it for the moment. Hope you are all having a good week!
Today, dad rang me again. But this time it felt a lot different. We had more of a fluent conversation - yes, we did deal with the weather, my health, work, housing market and fairly generic stuff. But it actually felt a bit more like a normal conversation that I used to have with him (pre-outing). And more importantly, there was no Big Question at the end. It kinda felt like they were going with the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. Even though the pink elephant was still in the room, it was like they were coming to accept that the pink elephant was here to stay. It's not ideal, but it does feel a bit more like a thaw in our relationship which is really really great! I don't know how things will progress, but at least it seems like progress has been made...it'll be slow, but...! :-)
On a completely unrelated topic, I mentioned how I was unable to view or write my blog at work now due to new filters. Well, it's all very strange. You see, I can log on and read Tom's blog, Muzbot's blog; in fact, most of my regular reads I can still read. I just can't read mine. When I do attempt, the filter provides a reason why I have been blocked...in the case of this blog, it's because it's a "Personal Blog" and "GLBT content". So, apparently my blog is overtly gay whereas most of you, my dear readers, are NOT! How interesting! And annoying! Anyway, so my blogging is still somewhat hit and miss, even though my commenting on your blogs may still continue.
On the weekend, I made Stage 2 and Stage 3 of my garden project at McBrad's. It's very exciting...there's only Stage 4 before it's finished. Already, he's very impressed with how things are looking and I'm quite thrilled. It's been such fun to get my hands dirty and very fulfilling to see the end result. I do promise I'll post some pics when it's done!
Anyway, that's it for the moment. Hope you are all having a good week!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
"Wild Wednesday" challenge...
A couple of weeks ago, the Superchilled Trevor put out a "Wild Wednesday" challenge - to post a self-taken photo. So, albeit a bit late, here's my entry!The story behind it...29 September 2006. I flew out from Sydney and after around 20 odd hours of travel, landed at 6am in London. Tubed it in to Parson's Green station, where I was collected by my brother Mark. Back to his place, he was in the process of getting ready for work. We had a quick chat and then he was gone. I had the whole day to myself and as tired as I was, I was also excited. I hadn't been in London since 2002 and so there was lots to see! I also knew that I had to stay awake the entire day so that I could start getting my body clock aligned with European time instead of Aussie time. Had a quick shower and jumped on the train into central London. I spent the day basically walking around taking photos. I didn't want to go into any museums or churches or anything, as I was pretty much a zombie and wouldn't appreciate it. So it was just a case of walking to stay awake. It was a lovely day which helped too.
Anyway (there is a point to this story) I walked along the Embankment right up to Westminster (Houses of Parliament) and walked around it as I wanted to get a photo of the statue of Richard the Lionheart. After taking the photo, I kept walking around it and came to two gates; one entry and one exit. The entry gate had a sign "In" and the exit gate's sign was (suprise surprise) "Out". As soon as I saw it, I knew I HAD to get a photo with it. Why? This was my official "coming out" day. You see, I had planned to tell Mark that night that I was gay. And although I had taken my first few steps into the gay world in the previous month, I knew that once I had told Mark (being a member of my family), there was no going back. It would be a fait accompli.
So, it's my official Coming Out portrait! :-) I look like crap because it had been about 48 hrs since I had last slept properly and was dead on my feet, but hey, it makes for an interesting story! Feels like a thousand years ago, and yet, feels like yesterday.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Rant...part II...
Ok, I'm just going to be brutally honest here...I'm just finding that all the guys that I think may (and I stress MAY) have potential don't seem to see the same thing in me! So maybe it is me! Maybe I am giving off the wrong impression; maybe I'm not sending out the right vibe! The thing is...I'm just trying to be honest and maybe that's what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I should act as if I don't care; maybe I should pretend that all I'm after is something short term. But I can't. I've lived 36 years as a single man, and I now would prefer that I had someone to spend my Sunday mornings with. Is that wrong? It seems that most of my friends have managed to find someone...but still, I feel like I'm judged because I am actively looking! I can't help it. Sorry, but my name is Monty and I'm single and would like to change that. So sue me for being so upfront about it. All my friends seemed to be looking for "the one" and managed to do it...why is it that when I do it, suddenly the tables turn and I should "just let it happen"?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
A bit of a rant...
OK, I realize that it's only 8 days into the New Year and already I'm writing a rant! But hey, I suppose it's been something that's been lurking at the back of my mind for a while.
I've had quite a few good friends over the course of the past year who've all commenced relationships (does that sound right? gotten into relationships? coupled up? you get my drift) and don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them. But time and time again, I'll start seeing a guy, or be interested in a guy (who appears interested in me as well, so it's not just a one-sided thing) who then calls it off, saying that I shouldn't get into a relationship at this early stage of my gay life...that I'd be better off going out there and sowing my wild oates or words to that effect. And I've had this advice from my abovementioned friends as well. Now, I agree, I took a long time coming out and yes, I've sowed my fair share of wild oates (and I do think that was necessary), but I've been out for around 18 months now and I'm starting to get a bit tired of hearing that. At what stage is it considered that I'll have been out sufficient time to be ready for a relationship? Is there some magical number of months/years I need to hit??? I personally feel very ready for a relationship and despite what some may think, that's the purpose why I'm out there dating (and yes, I confess that I do have some fun along the way). But sometimes it just bugs me that whilst these people tell me just to relax and chill, that Mr Right will turn up "when I least expect it" and "when I'm not looking for him", they were all out there at one time, looking for their Mr Right* and they found him. I sometimes feel like I'm being judged for being a bit pro-active, in getting out there and actually dating lots of guys. Why do I have to wait for Mr Right? What if he's out there waiting as well? How the heck are we supposed to meet up if we're both sitting around waiting for each other to turn up?
It also aggravates me (I'm warming up now) that when I meet a guy that I like, and I've expressed this to a friend (and I'm not naming names, here; there's more than one friend who's said this to me), I get a warning to "back off" or to "just don't get too much into him" or "don't show him how much you like him too quickly" (not that I think I do, but that's subjective I suppose) and then I turn around and the friend has met a guy and fallen in love in a matter of weeks??? And apparently the speed at which they've moved is all justified (for them) because this is "the one". I do realize that you don't want to come on too strong, or get too clingy etc, it isn't exactly rocket science.
Where's the logic? Where's the fairness? It just feels sometimes a little patronising.
And don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly, and I value their opinions...particularly the ones who've been out for a while and who know the ropes. But after 18 months out (not to mention 36 years of life), and not an inconsiderable number of dates under my belt, I think I can handle myself.
OK, rant over.
I'm at Day 2 of my new job and so far so good. I've got great new colleagues, a great boss and the clients seem nice. Of course, January is a good time to start, as it's dead quiet. We'll see how I feel come April, May and June!
* Just a point of clarification...when I use the term "Mr Right", I'm not suggesting at all that I think that there is just one guy out there who is perfect for me...I realize (despite what people may think) that successful relationships require hard work and commitment. It's not all running along beaches hand in hand and snuggling in winter. When I use "Mr Right", I am simply referring to a man who I can fall in love with and who'll love me in return.
I've had quite a few good friends over the course of the past year who've all commenced relationships (does that sound right? gotten into relationships? coupled up? you get my drift) and don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them. But time and time again, I'll start seeing a guy, or be interested in a guy (who appears interested in me as well, so it's not just a one-sided thing) who then calls it off, saying that I shouldn't get into a relationship at this early stage of my gay life...that I'd be better off going out there and sowing my wild oates or words to that effect. And I've had this advice from my abovementioned friends as well. Now, I agree, I took a long time coming out and yes, I've sowed my fair share of wild oates (and I do think that was necessary), but I've been out for around 18 months now and I'm starting to get a bit tired of hearing that. At what stage is it considered that I'll have been out sufficient time to be ready for a relationship? Is there some magical number of months/years I need to hit??? I personally feel very ready for a relationship and despite what some may think, that's the purpose why I'm out there dating (and yes, I confess that I do have some fun along the way). But sometimes it just bugs me that whilst these people tell me just to relax and chill, that Mr Right will turn up "when I least expect it" and "when I'm not looking for him", they were all out there at one time, looking for their Mr Right* and they found him. I sometimes feel like I'm being judged for being a bit pro-active, in getting out there and actually dating lots of guys. Why do I have to wait for Mr Right? What if he's out there waiting as well? How the heck are we supposed to meet up if we're both sitting around waiting for each other to turn up?
It also aggravates me (I'm warming up now) that when I meet a guy that I like, and I've expressed this to a friend (and I'm not naming names, here; there's more than one friend who's said this to me), I get a warning to "back off" or to "just don't get too much into him" or "don't show him how much you like him too quickly" (not that I think I do, but that's subjective I suppose) and then I turn around and the friend has met a guy and fallen in love in a matter of weeks??? And apparently the speed at which they've moved is all justified (for them) because this is "the one". I do realize that you don't want to come on too strong, or get too clingy etc, it isn't exactly rocket science.
Where's the logic? Where's the fairness? It just feels sometimes a little patronising.
And don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly, and I value their opinions...particularly the ones who've been out for a while and who know the ropes. But after 18 months out (not to mention 36 years of life), and not an inconsiderable number of dates under my belt, I think I can handle myself.
OK, rant over.
I'm at Day 2 of my new job and so far so good. I've got great new colleagues, a great boss and the clients seem nice. Of course, January is a good time to start, as it's dead quiet. We'll see how I feel come April, May and June!
* Just a point of clarification...when I use the term "Mr Right", I'm not suggesting at all that I think that there is just one guy out there who is perfect for me...I realize (despite what people may think) that successful relationships require hard work and commitment. It's not all running along beaches hand in hand and snuggling in winter. When I use "Mr Right", I am simply referring to a man who I can fall in love with and who'll love me in return.
Monday, December 31, 2007
2007...
I'm not really going to do a review of the year that was...if you've been reading my blog, you'll have a fairly good idea as to what was good and bad about 2007. But a situation yesterday kinda represented to me the past year.
Firstly, I met up with the entertaining and ever fabulous London blogger Darth Gateau who's here on holidays with his gorgeous partner TOH! I've been reading DG's blog for around a year now and met up with him (plus many more London bloggers) when I was recently in London. And so when he told me he was coming out to Sydney over Christmas/NY, I was very excited. At last I would be able to repay in some small way the hospitality and welcome that the London bloggers had shown me. In fact, DG is the 2nd London blogger to visit our fair shores this month so it's been great.
Anyway, met up with DG and TOH and of course, Muzbot yesterday afternoon at the Opera Bar - perfect day for the Opera Bar...27 degrees C, buckets of sunshine, a flawless blue sky. The Opera House was glistening in the sun, the harbour was a gorgeous blue, with the Harbour Bridge dominating the scene. Great bar to take tourists! So we had ourselves a couple of shandies but by that stage, we were getting a little hot in the sun and so decided to go to Green Park Hotel.
So we turned up there and watched as the pub progressively got more and more crowded! It was absolutely pumping! But as the evening progressed, a strange (for me anyway) thing started happening. Looked over and saw a guy that I had shagged early this year. Waved hello to him. 20 mins later, saw another prior shag. Waved hello to him too. In total, I saw 5 guys that I'd shagged in the past year! It was my Shagging Ghosts of Christmas Past! Felt quite strange to be in a bar and whichever way I looked, there was a past shag standing there. It's probably not such a strange phenomenon in Sydney, with a relatively small'ish gay community...after all they say there's only 2 degrees of separation in the Sydney gay community. But it had never happened to me before. And so, on the 30th December 2007 - the end of quite a momentous year for me - what a more appropriate thing to happen to me than to see all these guys there.
It's a completely different situation from last year. So much has changed in my circumstances (I know I keep rabbitting on about this, but it never fails to amaze me), I have become so much more confident a person, much more comfortable in my own skin and in my own sexuality. Although I came out in 2006, for me, 2007 has been more of a watershed year because it's been when what I started in 2006 really has impacted on my life.
I just can't wait for 2008 now! I'm starting a new job at work, I've decided to join a gym (gasp, yes, you heard it right, Monty is joining a gym!), and there's maybe one or two other things up my sleeve as well. EIB sent me a Christmas card this year and in it he said "2008 will be your year!", and you know, I really think that is true! Bring it on!!!
I hope everyone has a FABULOUS New Year and I hope that 2008 brings you success and happiness. Lots of hugs to you all.
Monty! xxx
Firstly, I met up with the entertaining and ever fabulous London blogger Darth Gateau who's here on holidays with his gorgeous partner TOH! I've been reading DG's blog for around a year now and met up with him (plus many more London bloggers) when I was recently in London. And so when he told me he was coming out to Sydney over Christmas/NY, I was very excited. At last I would be able to repay in some small way the hospitality and welcome that the London bloggers had shown me. In fact, DG is the 2nd London blogger to visit our fair shores this month so it's been great.
Anyway, met up with DG and TOH and of course, Muzbot yesterday afternoon at the Opera Bar - perfect day for the Opera Bar...27 degrees C, buckets of sunshine, a flawless blue sky. The Opera House was glistening in the sun, the harbour was a gorgeous blue, with the Harbour Bridge dominating the scene. Great bar to take tourists! So we had ourselves a couple of shandies but by that stage, we were getting a little hot in the sun and so decided to go to Green Park Hotel.
So we turned up there and watched as the pub progressively got more and more crowded! It was absolutely pumping! But as the evening progressed, a strange (for me anyway) thing started happening. Looked over and saw a guy that I had shagged early this year. Waved hello to him. 20 mins later, saw another prior shag. Waved hello to him too. In total, I saw 5 guys that I'd shagged in the past year! It was my Shagging Ghosts of Christmas Past! Felt quite strange to be in a bar and whichever way I looked, there was a past shag standing there. It's probably not such a strange phenomenon in Sydney, with a relatively small'ish gay community...after all they say there's only 2 degrees of separation in the Sydney gay community. But it had never happened to me before. And so, on the 30th December 2007 - the end of quite a momentous year for me - what a more appropriate thing to happen to me than to see all these guys there.
It's a completely different situation from last year. So much has changed in my circumstances (I know I keep rabbitting on about this, but it never fails to amaze me), I have become so much more confident a person, much more comfortable in my own skin and in my own sexuality. Although I came out in 2006, for me, 2007 has been more of a watershed year because it's been when what I started in 2006 really has impacted on my life.
I just can't wait for 2008 now! I'm starting a new job at work, I've decided to join a gym (gasp, yes, you heard it right, Monty is joining a gym!), and there's maybe one or two other things up my sleeve as well. EIB sent me a Christmas card this year and in it he said "2008 will be your year!", and you know, I really think that is true! Bring it on!!!
I hope everyone has a FABULOUS New Year and I hope that 2008 brings you success and happiness. Lots of hugs to you all.
Monty! xxx
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Coming out...
This is a bit of a self-indulgent post, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I'm not sure why I started thinking about this, but today, I was ruminating on last year's events, specifically my coming out. It's one question I can guarantee will be asked on every date..."So why did it take you so long to come out?". The answer I always give goes something like this..."It wasn't until I was 28 that I had my first experience with a guy and it took me several years to come to terms with my sexuality - to feel comfortable within myself and then to build up the courage to actually face the world and say I'm gay. I come from a very conservative Christian family as well and I knew that they would react badly to my coming out and so that was also a factor in the delay from when I first knew until I actually came out".
And that is the truth. But I was also thinking that whilst those external factors were there, it also was because I lacked the courage to do so. I was scared about disappointing my family and friends, and I was terrified of losing them as well, because I did know with absolute conviction that they would react the way they have. I was also being a bit selfish, because I had a good "straight" life, had lots of friends, was enjoying life, whilst at the same time still indulging occasionally in a bit of man loving on the sly. So I had the best of both worlds. I felt I wasn't hurting anyone so it didn't matter, but with the wisdom of hindsight, I realize now that I was hurting not only my family and friends, but also myself. I re-read an email that one of my closest friends sent me after I told him and I think it sums it up...
"I'm feeling angry, and hurt: I'm feeling angry with myself: I can't help think that I didn't try hard enough to get to the inner core of Monty, to find out what really made him tick, to see past the veneer and to boldly push through those tough outer defences. I'm annoyed because whilst N (another close mutual friend of ours) and I often discussed their existence, we often found it too difficult to scale the walls. I wonder if we'd made more of an effort, things may have been different. I'm feeling puzzled and disoriented, and perhaps a little cheated: the Monty I thought I knew is just the tip of a much larger iceberg which I know lurks beyond the surface but cannot be seen: and I feel like I'll never see it. That's a disconcerting feeling because generally speaking, we bared our soul to you and only got so much back: I feel like you've stared at us all through a keyhole and we've just seen an eye glinting back at us."
I know I did put up walls...it was the only way I could keep the two sides of my life separate; the only way I could avoid losing it all. But in the end, I have left lots of hurt family and friends behind because of my deception. This I cannot do anything about - what is done is done. I do regret the hurt I caused.
But it's one thing I have learned - and it's something I suppose all of my current friends see - I'm very open about my life now. Sometimes too much, I think, but I would prefer they know me warts and all, than knowing just the tip of the iceberg. (though an iceberg is not how I would describe myself...I would like to think that I'm a bit warmer than that)
I remember whenever I considered the issue of coming out, my stomach would be in knots...just the thought of losing all my friends and family made me physically ill. I considered trying to do it step by step, doing it in stages. I thought about not telling my family...it wouldn't be a difficult thing to conceal really -they live thousands of kilometres away and Mark, my brother, has managed it successfully for the past 17 yrs or so. But, when it came down to it, I knew that I would have to do it all in one fell swoop. I couldn't do it in stages, because I know that it would've allowed me to back out if I wanted. I knew that when I came out, I would literally HAVE to burn my bridges to prevent me backing out. And so, that's what I did. I came out to the my family, my friends, my church, work, the world, all in the space of about a month. It was a killer, but I survived it. And since then, I've realized that I'm much stronger than I thought. I feel rather proud of the fact that I was able to muster up the courage to tell everyone; that I've been able to rebuild my social life; that I've been able to gather a nice group of friends around me. I've really enjoyed the past few weeks since returning from overseas and am looking forward to a fantastic summer (well, as long as this flipping rain stops).
I'm not sure why I started thinking about this, but today, I was ruminating on last year's events, specifically my coming out. It's one question I can guarantee will be asked on every date..."So why did it take you so long to come out?". The answer I always give goes something like this..."It wasn't until I was 28 that I had my first experience with a guy and it took me several years to come to terms with my sexuality - to feel comfortable within myself and then to build up the courage to actually face the world and say I'm gay. I come from a very conservative Christian family as well and I knew that they would react badly to my coming out and so that was also a factor in the delay from when I first knew until I actually came out".
And that is the truth. But I was also thinking that whilst those external factors were there, it also was because I lacked the courage to do so. I was scared about disappointing my family and friends, and I was terrified of losing them as well, because I did know with absolute conviction that they would react the way they have. I was also being a bit selfish, because I had a good "straight" life, had lots of friends, was enjoying life, whilst at the same time still indulging occasionally in a bit of man loving on the sly. So I had the best of both worlds. I felt I wasn't hurting anyone so it didn't matter, but with the wisdom of hindsight, I realize now that I was hurting not only my family and friends, but also myself. I re-read an email that one of my closest friends sent me after I told him and I think it sums it up...
"I'm feeling angry, and hurt: I'm feeling angry with myself: I can't help think that I didn't try hard enough to get to the inner core of Monty, to find out what really made him tick, to see past the veneer and to boldly push through those tough outer defences. I'm annoyed because whilst N (another close mutual friend of ours) and I often discussed their existence, we often found it too difficult to scale the walls. I wonder if we'd made more of an effort, things may have been different. I'm feeling puzzled and disoriented, and perhaps a little cheated: the Monty I thought I knew is just the tip of a much larger iceberg which I know lurks beyond the surface but cannot be seen: and I feel like I'll never see it. That's a disconcerting feeling because generally speaking, we bared our soul to you and only got so much back: I feel like you've stared at us all through a keyhole and we've just seen an eye glinting back at us."
I know I did put up walls...it was the only way I could keep the two sides of my life separate; the only way I could avoid losing it all. But in the end, I have left lots of hurt family and friends behind because of my deception. This I cannot do anything about - what is done is done. I do regret the hurt I caused.
But it's one thing I have learned - and it's something I suppose all of my current friends see - I'm very open about my life now. Sometimes too much, I think, but I would prefer they know me warts and all, than knowing just the tip of the iceberg. (though an iceberg is not how I would describe myself...I would like to think that I'm a bit warmer than that)
I remember whenever I considered the issue of coming out, my stomach would be in knots...just the thought of losing all my friends and family made me physically ill. I considered trying to do it step by step, doing it in stages. I thought about not telling my family...it wouldn't be a difficult thing to conceal really -they live thousands of kilometres away and Mark, my brother, has managed it successfully for the past 17 yrs or so. But, when it came down to it, I knew that I would have to do it all in one fell swoop. I couldn't do it in stages, because I know that it would've allowed me to back out if I wanted. I knew that when I came out, I would literally HAVE to burn my bridges to prevent me backing out. And so, that's what I did. I came out to the my family, my friends, my church, work, the world, all in the space of about a month. It was a killer, but I survived it. And since then, I've realized that I'm much stronger than I thought. I feel rather proud of the fact that I was able to muster up the courage to tell everyone; that I've been able to rebuild my social life; that I've been able to gather a nice group of friends around me. I've really enjoyed the past few weeks since returning from overseas and am looking forward to a fantastic summer (well, as long as this flipping rain stops).
Friday, October 12, 2007
Confidence...
OK, this isn't a post about my holiday but it's something that I've been thinking about in light of a couple of recent events. I've never been a confident person...I've always been unsure of myself, doubting my social skills, particularly with new people. I've always struggled to meet new people, always having preferred to hang out with my friends and to stay within the limited (but safe) circle of close friends. Coming out, I've been forced to expand my horizons in this respect. I remember the first time I met a guy via Gaydar - I was almost physically sick I was so nervous. Thankfully, DG was very understanding and kind and has become a good friend.
But a comment that Gay Banker made caused me to stop and think about this aspect of my personality...he mentioned how nice it was to be able to hold my hand at dinner (I'd been talking about my parents and had got quite upset and he impulsively reached over the table and held my hand). And you know, even 6 months ago, I would never have even considered doing something that "gay" - I was too worried what other people might think/say. Even last night with the London Bloggers, we were just being a bunch of gay boys out, not caring about what other people thought...when we parted company, it was with much hugging and kissing and I didn't care.
I haven't really noticed this, as it's been somewhat of a gradual change I suppose...from being a shy, and very nervous gay guy, to being someone who feels relaxed and confident in being a gay guy. But thinking over it today, I came to the realisation that my lack of confidence was probably also a result of the fact that, although I knew I preferred guys, I lived a double life. I was in effect living a lie for several years and lived in constant fear of someone finding out! And that does shatter your confidence because you're forever looking over your shoulder, second guessing yourself and always alert that I was acting/speaking straight. BUT now that I've come out, I'm finally able to be me, to be a 36 year old gay guy and that's a very liberating experience. But it's also been things like persisting with the Gaydar meets, forcing myself to meet strange guys (and some of them were strange), going out on Oxford St to gay bars, putting myself in very uncomfortable situations that has also contributed to my newfound confidence. And so, meeting up with a bunch of bloggers whom I had never met before did not phase me in the slightest! And how good has it been! No longer do I worry what someone will think about me being gay; that's me and so what! After all the hard yards that I've done over the past 12 months, it's all paying off. And how fabulous is that!!!
But a comment that Gay Banker made caused me to stop and think about this aspect of my personality...he mentioned how nice it was to be able to hold my hand at dinner (I'd been talking about my parents and had got quite upset and he impulsively reached over the table and held my hand). And you know, even 6 months ago, I would never have even considered doing something that "gay" - I was too worried what other people might think/say. Even last night with the London Bloggers, we were just being a bunch of gay boys out, not caring about what other people thought...when we parted company, it was with much hugging and kissing and I didn't care.
I haven't really noticed this, as it's been somewhat of a gradual change I suppose...from being a shy, and very nervous gay guy, to being someone who feels relaxed and confident in being a gay guy. But thinking over it today, I came to the realisation that my lack of confidence was probably also a result of the fact that, although I knew I preferred guys, I lived a double life. I was in effect living a lie for several years and lived in constant fear of someone finding out! And that does shatter your confidence because you're forever looking over your shoulder, second guessing yourself and always alert that I was acting/speaking straight. BUT now that I've come out, I'm finally able to be me, to be a 36 year old gay guy and that's a very liberating experience. But it's also been things like persisting with the Gaydar meets, forcing myself to meet strange guys (and some of them were strange), going out on Oxford St to gay bars, putting myself in very uncomfortable situations that has also contributed to my newfound confidence. And so, meeting up with a bunch of bloggers whom I had never met before did not phase me in the slightest! And how good has it been! No longer do I worry what someone will think about me being gay; that's me and so what! After all the hard yards that I've done over the past 12 months, it's all paying off. And how fabulous is that!!!
Monday, October 01, 2007
Long weekends...
Don't you just love long weekends? This one has been particularly good for me, as it's a 6 week long weekend but for most folk here in the Emerald City, it's a 3 day weekend thanks to Labour Day or something! Just having that one extra day feels so good! I'm afraid I consumed wayyyy too much alcohol over the course of this weekend, so today is my dry out day!
Had some friends over last night which was lovely; good to catch up before I choof off for 6 weeks. When they had all gone home (with the exception of Evan and McDreamy), I was still in a bit of a party mood. So, bless them, they took me out on Oxford St and we had a bit of a dance! It was a fabulous feeling I must say. I was only a little tipsy at this stage, and the three of us were on the dance floor full of guys, Go West (PSB) was blaring out and I suddenly had this realisation that exactly one year ago, I had come out to my brother Mark in London! I regard telling him as my official "coming out" date and so, here on my first anniversary, I was dancing with my two wonderful friends Evan and McDreamy in a gay club in Sydney and loving every minute of it! It's difficult to describe here, but it just felt really right. I feel like I have finally found my place in this world and despite the traumas of the past year, I have no regrets in completely turning my life upside down and coming out.
Had some friends over last night which was lovely; good to catch up before I choof off for 6 weeks. When they had all gone home (with the exception of Evan and McDreamy), I was still in a bit of a party mood. So, bless them, they took me out on Oxford St and we had a bit of a dance! It was a fabulous feeling I must say. I was only a little tipsy at this stage, and the three of us were on the dance floor full of guys, Go West (PSB) was blaring out and I suddenly had this realisation that exactly one year ago, I had come out to my brother Mark in London! I regard telling him as my official "coming out" date and so, here on my first anniversary, I was dancing with my two wonderful friends Evan and McDreamy in a gay club in Sydney and loving every minute of it! It's difficult to describe here, but it just felt really right. I feel like I have finally found my place in this world and despite the traumas of the past year, I have no regrets in completely turning my life upside down and coming out.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Where's the week gone...?`
I'm exhausted! This week has flown past and I've been absolutely flat out! It's been a fun week, but I still can't quite believe that it's Thursday night already! I've been going flat strap at work and I'm still struggling to finish everything I need to before COB tomorrow...but finish it I will.
It was great to meet up with Evan, McDreamy and Muzbot on Tuesday night - my three favourite friends in one place - how good can it get! Evan and McDreamy left around 9pm and then Muz and I got down to seriously deep stuff; we started talking about my parents' reaction to my coming out and even though it's been almost a year since then, it's still a topic that gets me emotional. I don't think Muz was expecting quite the reaction that I had, and to be honest, neither did I. I've been always quite good at compartmentalising my life, and so I generally just try not to think about my parents because it is still a very painful issue for me. But when I discussed it with my friend Jacqui several weeks ago, I burst into tears in the middle of Bar 333 on George St - not exactly what a 36 yr old guy would normally do. However, because I'd had this release, I thought when I was talking about it with Muz that I'd be in a better position to cope with it...but apparently not! But it was still good to talk to him about it, and I really appreciated his support. So the night was a really good one for me.
Last night, I caught up with C3 - he's been in the Simpson desert for the past couple of weeks and this was actually the first time we've met up face to face since we broke up. But it was really good actually - had some laughs and I caught him up on my past few weeks (Bruce and Sam).
And today, worked my arse off...didn't leave work until 8pm which is appalling for me! BUT only ONE DAY TO GO!!!!! And then I'm on holidays! Yay! Can't wait!
It was great to meet up with Evan, McDreamy and Muzbot on Tuesday night - my three favourite friends in one place - how good can it get! Evan and McDreamy left around 9pm and then Muz and I got down to seriously deep stuff; we started talking about my parents' reaction to my coming out and even though it's been almost a year since then, it's still a topic that gets me emotional. I don't think Muz was expecting quite the reaction that I had, and to be honest, neither did I. I've been always quite good at compartmentalising my life, and so I generally just try not to think about my parents because it is still a very painful issue for me. But when I discussed it with my friend Jacqui several weeks ago, I burst into tears in the middle of Bar 333 on George St - not exactly what a 36 yr old guy would normally do. However, because I'd had this release, I thought when I was talking about it with Muz that I'd be in a better position to cope with it...but apparently not! But it was still good to talk to him about it, and I really appreciated his support. So the night was a really good one for me.
Last night, I caught up with C3 - he's been in the Simpson desert for the past couple of weeks and this was actually the first time we've met up face to face since we broke up. But it was really good actually - had some laughs and I caught him up on my past few weeks (Bruce and Sam).
And today, worked my arse off...didn't leave work until 8pm which is appalling for me! BUT only ONE DAY TO GO!!!!! And then I'm on holidays! Yay! Can't wait!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...
Well, I'm now officially 36 yrs old. It's one of those in between years, it's not a big one like 30, 35 or 40 - the next major milestone! It's been a rather ordinary day really...work this morning, at lunch had my tooth ripped out, and this afternoon, I've spent it miserable at home watching DVD's.
Birthdays were never big things in our family and so I'm not particularly down because of today's relatively low key nature. Although we didn't really celebrate birthdays in my family, mum and dad would always ring me on my birthday, just to say hello and to let me know they were thinking of me. I always liked receiving those calls but of course, today it didn't happen.
I know they would've been thinking of me, but instead of being proud of me, they would be saddened by my actions. They sincerely believe that the course I've chosen - ie coming out - is religiously and morally wrong and that it can only lead to negative consequences. And that is difficult to deal with, knowing that you've disappointed your parents.
I tend not to think about it generally - does no good living one's life with regret, and I don't regret coming out and being myself, being honest with myself and my family and friends. But on days like this, I can't help but miss talking to my parents and my oldest brother.
So Monty is a bit of a miserable sort this evening - pain in his head, and in his heart! But, before I get too melancholy, I do have to reinforce the fact that I don't regret the stand that I have made. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders, being able to come clean and I did fully understand the consequences of my actions, both the good and the bad. I was prepared to deal with this stuff, and so far, it's been mostly good. It's only on days like today that it's a bit harder to deal with.
So please don't feel sorry for me...I'll bounce back tomorrow! :-) I invariably do! I've been blessed with a quite optomistic outlook on life and that keeps me in good stead.
Birthdays were never big things in our family and so I'm not particularly down because of today's relatively low key nature. Although we didn't really celebrate birthdays in my family, mum and dad would always ring me on my birthday, just to say hello and to let me know they were thinking of me. I always liked receiving those calls but of course, today it didn't happen.
I know they would've been thinking of me, but instead of being proud of me, they would be saddened by my actions. They sincerely believe that the course I've chosen - ie coming out - is religiously and morally wrong and that it can only lead to negative consequences. And that is difficult to deal with, knowing that you've disappointed your parents.
I tend not to think about it generally - does no good living one's life with regret, and I don't regret coming out and being myself, being honest with myself and my family and friends. But on days like this, I can't help but miss talking to my parents and my oldest brother.
So Monty is a bit of a miserable sort this evening - pain in his head, and in his heart! But, before I get too melancholy, I do have to reinforce the fact that I don't regret the stand that I have made. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders, being able to come clean and I did fully understand the consequences of my actions, both the good and the bad. I was prepared to deal with this stuff, and so far, it's been mostly good. It's only on days like today that it's a bit harder to deal with.
So please don't feel sorry for me...I'll bounce back tomorrow! :-) I invariably do! I've been blessed with a quite optomistic outlook on life and that keeps me in good stead.
Monday, October 23, 2006
My First Post...Why Am I Doing This?
Well, I suppose it was inevitable that I start up my own blog...can't keep harassing Dating Guy with my interminable rantings - despite his protestations, I am sure that even he has limits to his patience and understanding.
If any of you have read his blog, you'll already know something about me...if not, check it out on Dating Guy's very readable blog. Yes, that's me, Monty shagging his way through Eastern Europe! Where do I start?
I'm not going to go way back for the time being...let's just start a bit more recently...late July 2006 when I finally decided it was time to start coming out as a gay man. I have known that I was gay for several years...I had always had an attraction to other guys but always supressed it and lived a very straight life. My older brother, Mark, on the other hand, knew he was gay and so from age 21, lived his life as a gay man. (Before you get too worried, my oldest brother, Steve, is straight, with 3 children, so my parents have their grandkids!) I obviously had a fair bit of contact with Mark, living in Sydney too (Steve and my parents live in Qld) and was bound to come into contact with many of his gay friends. One of his friends, back in 1999, took a fancy to me and to cut a long story short, initiated me! 1 July 1999 to be precise. It's funny, he warned me beforehand, that once I had cock, there was no going back...and how right he was! It still took me another almost exactly 7 years to finally come out and admit it though! We'll get to the process another time!
So, I decided to come out...where to start? I would think that most people would tend to tell their family and close friends first...not I. Started with my friends first, as they would be more directly impacted by this than my family, who are not living in Sydney with me (Mark moved to London last year). I had heard about Gaydar.com.au from one of my clients who was gay, and so decided to log a profile...I had no idea how else to meet other gay guys (apart from walking into an Oxford St pub/club and that was way too daunting at this early stage). Scrolling through the thousands of profiles absolutely floored me...where do you start? Picked a page at random and had a look through the profiles and a pair of gentle brown eyes caught my attention...and so I sent a message...a very clumsy, awkward message if my memory serves me correct! I had no idea what to say, I had never been on any sort of personals website before in my life! Well, knock me down with a feather when the guy responded..."who?" you might ask...yes, you got it...Dating Guy!
I still cannot believe that of all the guys on that site, DG was the one that I stumbled across! And I have not found a nicer guy than DG, nor more supportive and caring than he. As he mentions in his blog, we met a couple of times and have conversed fairly extensively since then, which I will be eternally grateful for.
I had decided to go overseas this year, to see my brother Mark and so I thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to come out to him, in person, in London! This I did 29 September 2006. Mark was surprised, but not shocked. What did shock him was when I told him that it was Andy, his friend, who had initiated me! You see, Andy and Mark had a brief fling in the early nineties, a fact that Andy conveniently forgot to tell me at the time! So Mark was a little understandably angry, more at Andy than me. But he hasn't talked to Andy for years now, so I doubt it will have any real impact on the grand scheme of things. But Mark has been really supportive, has given me much older-brotherly advice which has been great. It has been good, Mark has been in three long term relationships, the last one being for 9 years which ended when he moved to London. So, between him, with his advice on relationship building, and DG's advice on, yes, the Dating scene, I have received a pretty rounded crash course in being gay!
The other part of my overseas holiday was to Eastern Europe, mainly because I haven't been here before and always wanted to see it. I decided to go solo on this leg of the trip, as a personal challenge! I have always relied on others when it comes to meeting new people, and I really wanted to see if I could do this myself. So, that, combined with my newly 'out' status, meant that I was now determined to meet some gay guys (and yes, hook up too) whilst travelling.
And so I found myself one Tuesday night two weeks ago, in the middle of Berlin's gay district (well, one of them), outside a gay bar. I had already walked around the block, and up and down the street and knew I had to take that next step. Quick text message to DG for support, and then I went in!
Freaking out, I walked around the bar, ordered a beer, and took it outside to the tables there, with the few brave smokers who could handle the bitterly cold weather. I could then sit there in relative quiet, drink my beer, watch what was happening inside without the immediate threat of having to speak with anyone, and shiver! One beer gone, and my toes about to fall off from frost bite, I thought, "fuck this, I'm going to really do it"....went inside, found a stool at the crowded bar, and ordered another beer! And then realized that everyone is, of course, speaking German! "How the hell do I start a conversation with a guy when I can't even speak the lingo???" Thankfully, Kylie came on, a reassuringly familiar sound in a very alien world! A cute guy sat down across the bar from me, appeared to be alone. I smiled at him, he smiled at me. "What do I do now?" A smile will get you so far, but for conversation to be had, a mutual language was required. Another beer! After 3 beers, and no dinner, I was finally past caring! Walked up behind him, and froze! Panic stations! And then, the three beers took over and I took the decicive step and sat down next to him! He smiled and shook my hand. "Sprechen Sie English?" I asked. "My name is Oscar" he said. He was French, but had excellent English! The rest, as they say, is history! We spent 3 days and nights together in Berlin, 3 unforgetable nights! We sadly parted ways, he back to Paris, and me onwards to Prague to continue my holiday.
We were only talking today and I realized that he has been my longest gay relationship...3 days!!! That's the next challenge for me, to have a relationship that lasts longer than 3 days...preferably with someone who lives in the same city, let alone same continent as me!
If any of you have read his blog, you'll already know something about me...if not, check it out on Dating Guy's very readable blog. Yes, that's me, Monty shagging his way through Eastern Europe! Where do I start?
I'm not going to go way back for the time being...let's just start a bit more recently...late July 2006 when I finally decided it was time to start coming out as a gay man. I have known that I was gay for several years...I had always had an attraction to other guys but always supressed it and lived a very straight life. My older brother, Mark, on the other hand, knew he was gay and so from age 21, lived his life as a gay man. (Before you get too worried, my oldest brother, Steve, is straight, with 3 children, so my parents have their grandkids!) I obviously had a fair bit of contact with Mark, living in Sydney too (Steve and my parents live in Qld) and was bound to come into contact with many of his gay friends. One of his friends, back in 1999, took a fancy to me and to cut a long story short, initiated me! 1 July 1999 to be precise. It's funny, he warned me beforehand, that once I had cock, there was no going back...and how right he was! It still took me another almost exactly 7 years to finally come out and admit it though! We'll get to the process another time!
So, I decided to come out...where to start? I would think that most people would tend to tell their family and close friends first...not I. Started with my friends first, as they would be more directly impacted by this than my family, who are not living in Sydney with me (Mark moved to London last year). I had heard about Gaydar.com.au from one of my clients who was gay, and so decided to log a profile...I had no idea how else to meet other gay guys (apart from walking into an Oxford St pub/club and that was way too daunting at this early stage). Scrolling through the thousands of profiles absolutely floored me...where do you start? Picked a page at random and had a look through the profiles and a pair of gentle brown eyes caught my attention...and so I sent a message...a very clumsy, awkward message if my memory serves me correct! I had no idea what to say, I had never been on any sort of personals website before in my life! Well, knock me down with a feather when the guy responded..."who?" you might ask...yes, you got it...Dating Guy!
I still cannot believe that of all the guys on that site, DG was the one that I stumbled across! And I have not found a nicer guy than DG, nor more supportive and caring than he. As he mentions in his blog, we met a couple of times and have conversed fairly extensively since then, which I will be eternally grateful for.
I had decided to go overseas this year, to see my brother Mark and so I thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to come out to him, in person, in London! This I did 29 September 2006. Mark was surprised, but not shocked. What did shock him was when I told him that it was Andy, his friend, who had initiated me! You see, Andy and Mark had a brief fling in the early nineties, a fact that Andy conveniently forgot to tell me at the time! So Mark was a little understandably angry, more at Andy than me. But he hasn't talked to Andy for years now, so I doubt it will have any real impact on the grand scheme of things. But Mark has been really supportive, has given me much older-brotherly advice which has been great. It has been good, Mark has been in three long term relationships, the last one being for 9 years which ended when he moved to London. So, between him, with his advice on relationship building, and DG's advice on, yes, the Dating scene, I have received a pretty rounded crash course in being gay!
The other part of my overseas holiday was to Eastern Europe, mainly because I haven't been here before and always wanted to see it. I decided to go solo on this leg of the trip, as a personal challenge! I have always relied on others when it comes to meeting new people, and I really wanted to see if I could do this myself. So, that, combined with my newly 'out' status, meant that I was now determined to meet some gay guys (and yes, hook up too) whilst travelling.
And so I found myself one Tuesday night two weeks ago, in the middle of Berlin's gay district (well, one of them), outside a gay bar. I had already walked around the block, and up and down the street and knew I had to take that next step. Quick text message to DG for support, and then I went in!
Freaking out, I walked around the bar, ordered a beer, and took it outside to the tables there, with the few brave smokers who could handle the bitterly cold weather. I could then sit there in relative quiet, drink my beer, watch what was happening inside without the immediate threat of having to speak with anyone, and shiver! One beer gone, and my toes about to fall off from frost bite, I thought, "fuck this, I'm going to really do it"....went inside, found a stool at the crowded bar, and ordered another beer! And then realized that everyone is, of course, speaking German! "How the hell do I start a conversation with a guy when I can't even speak the lingo???" Thankfully, Kylie came on, a reassuringly familiar sound in a very alien world! A cute guy sat down across the bar from me, appeared to be alone. I smiled at him, he smiled at me. "What do I do now?" A smile will get you so far, but for conversation to be had, a mutual language was required. Another beer! After 3 beers, and no dinner, I was finally past caring! Walked up behind him, and froze! Panic stations! And then, the three beers took over and I took the decicive step and sat down next to him! He smiled and shook my hand. "Sprechen Sie English?" I asked. "My name is Oscar" he said. He was French, but had excellent English! The rest, as they say, is history! We spent 3 days and nights together in Berlin, 3 unforgetable nights! We sadly parted ways, he back to Paris, and me onwards to Prague to continue my holiday.
We were only talking today and I realized that he has been my longest gay relationship...3 days!!! That's the next challenge for me, to have a relationship that lasts longer than 3 days...preferably with someone who lives in the same city, let alone same continent as me!
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