As Good As It Gets...?

This is a bit of a miscellaneous blog really, as there's a couple of things on my mind.


Firstly, I'm cheesed off with my home PC, as it's got narky and decided not to work! Extremely frustrating as I cannot now access my Hotmail account which is my main personal email address nor can I access Gaydar. This (GD) has not been as vital, as my time is otherwise occupied but still, I'm a popular boy - I like to keep my fingers in the dating pie so to speak.


Speaking of which, I had a lovely and most unexpectedly involved weekend with Bruce. Originally, we had intended on meeting up on Friday night - he had a work Do on, and I was attending a charity Trivia night with Evan and McDreamy and we were going to meet later on. As it turned out, his work Do was boring as, and so he came early and joined our Trivia table. And of course, won the major raffle prize (3 nights accommodation at some hotel on Bondi Beach) and a random prize (a champagne bucket). I got to keep the champers bucket! But I digress. Original plan was for me to spend Friday night at his place and that was it for the weekend - we weren't going to see one another after that. Saturday morning came and went with me still in his bed, eventually being dragged out at 12.15 for a shopping expedition in the city. Let me tell you, this man can shop!!! I'm a fan! And he loves my favourite store, David Jones'! What a man! He was originally going to drop me home after that however instead, invited me to go out with him to another charity thing that he was attending...believe it or not, another Trivia night! Not being one to pass up a Trivia night (and more particuarly, to spend more time with him), I agreed! Another fun night was had and again, I fully expected him to drop me home afterwards. But, he suggested I stay the night with him and I wasn't going to say no to an offer like that. Sunday morning was another highly pleasant sleep-in, followed by a stroll around Surry Hills and another bout of retail therapy! I ended up buying myself this funky hat which I am quite excited about now! He eventually dropped me back at my house, wearing mostly his clothes (as I hadn't been prepared for an all weekend stay) at around 2pm yesterday. It was such a lovely day that I then toddled on down to my local park and read the paper in the warm Spring sun. A perfect end to the weekend!


BUT, and there's a "but", whilst it was a very very good weekend, we did have a big chat on Saturday morning whilst lying in bed. He sincerely feels that he cannot give me any more than he is currently giving, which, for all intents and purposes, is a friendship with snuggling benefits. He doesn't think that he's able to embark on a romantic relationship with anyone at the moment and as much as he really likes me, does want to be upfront with me in this respect. Naturally, I'd like more with him as I am really attracted to him, and he knows that. But, after the debacle that was the Gent in Question in May/June, I have been quite cautious in opening up my emotions to early in the piece (and having them somewhat exploited). And so, I haven't been as affected as on previous occasions. He did fully expect that I wouldn't want to see him again, however I do actually like him - I think he's a great guy! I really get on with him, enjoy his company, his sense of humour, and his very hot body! he he he! I was only thinking this yesterday - with all the other guys that I've spent a weekend with, by the end of the weekend, I'm really feeling the need for some space, some Monty time. With Bruce, there wasn't that feeling at all...I would have happily stayed with him on Sunday, happily slept over Sunday night - I just am really relaxed around him! So, I am very open to continuing our friendship "as is". I think that what we have is as good as it's going to get and to be honest, I can't be unhappy with that. I would love it to be more, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He's concerned that my friends will think that he's taking advantage of me, in not allowing me to find a "real" boyfriend. But, I'm not particularly concerned about that...I have only 4 weeks to go before I go overseas and so I don't want to embark on a new relationship at this late stage. I'd much prefer to keep things as they are with him, our Friends with (snuggling) Benefits relationship and once I return from O/S, then start thinking about dating again. He's worried that our relationship is somewhat unorthodox, but you know, I've lived a very orthodox life up until a year ago, and so I don't really mind if it's a bit out there! Who cares! I've found a lovely guy, whose company I enjoy, who's fabulous to sleep with, who doesn't seem to mind hanging around me and who is, for want of a better description, a Clayton's boyfriend...the boyfriend you have when you don't have a boyfriend. Perfect for me at the moment, with my lack of motivation to date and limited timeframe. And the fact that we're not shagging isn't even particuarly worrying me either! Who'd have thought!!! It's been 3 weeks without it and I'm coping remarkably well!


So that's about it for the moment. I have had an awesome weekend, this week is a short one and this weekend is a long one! We're (McDreamy, Evan and myself and quite possibly Bruce) going down the coast to the beach house, and if the weather's like it was this past weekend, it will be FABULOUS!!!

Green eyed monster...

Well well well...in my last post, I mentioned how the Gent In Question (GIQ) and I had sorted everything out and things were on an even keel. I was happy with how things were in our friendship and that was that. WRONG! In affairs of the heart, Monty is still very much a novice and events this week just proved that.

Where does one start??? Well, firstly, I had a lovely weekend away with my friends James and Jacqui - relaxed, fun and very alcoholic! (at one point in time, apparently this little black duck had fallen asleep in a drunken stupor at the dining table while James was doing a nudie run around the house, equally inebriated. Fortunately for us, Jacqui was a bit more in control of things and was able to put me to bed and eventually get James to bed too). Anyway, I digress. So I was feeling pretty good with the world come Monday.

GIQ and I had been chatting via email on Monday and in the evening, I sms'ed him in response to his email. I thought we should have a chat (on the phone) but got this somewhat cryptic response...

"I can't talk..."

The sms conversation proceeded as follows then...

M: Damn, I was going to give you a ring tonight - do u have company?
GIQ: Ummm, yes, sorry. x

At this point, I realised that he wasn't hosting his maiden aunt for dinner...

M: Bugger
GIQ: In a couple of hours, yes.
M: Bastard
GIQ: You're better...
M: Doesn't help. Major dose of green eyed monster happening here. FUCK!
GIQ: Just don't, ok. I'm so not worth one second of you feeling like this.
M: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
GIQ: You are cute, pure of heart and lovely. Go and find someone like you.
M: Doesn't help. Not your fault. Fuck Fuck Fuck!

At this point, I was sitting on my couch, blindly watching Desperate Housewives, trying to concentrate, seeing images on the TV but not comprehending anything that was happening in the show. I was devastated! And insanely jealous! And the thing that I couldn't understand was why I was feeling this way! I thought that I had settled in my heart the fact that "we" weren't going to happen as a couple...that we were going to be good friends and that's it. But obviously, from my reaction, my head had been fooling my heart! And suddenly, my heart was in control...and my emotions were out of control!

Now, normally I'm a pretty controlled guy emotionally and even on the few occasions when my emotions have been heightened, I've been able to remove myself from the situation and think things through logically. I've been able to work out why I'm feeling that way, and been able to reason with myself as to why I shouldn't feel that way, or be able to formulate a plan of action to enable me to manage my feelings so that I can be in control again. I've got a pretty good understanding of how I tick generally and so therefore have been able to sort myself out, no matter what the situation.

But, on Monday night, I couldn't think things through...I couldn't reason, my mind was a blank...I was just simply FEELING! My emotions got the better of me and wave after wave of hurt and jealousy were washing over me and I couldn't stop it! I had this horrible heavy feeling in my chest and I seriously just wanted to sit there and weep!

Fortunately for me, GIQ sussed out that I was not feeling particularly chuffed (perceptive bloke that he is) from my above sms's and so, bless his heart, interrupted his date and rang me, concerned for me. I was somewhat surprised and touched that he was willing to do this but I also had a lot of stuff that needed to be expressed. And so I did let rip - with both barrels blazing. And to his credit, he took it all in his stride. He was very kind and understanding and I think he did actually accept some of the points I made about how I felt he had treated me. NOT, I must hasten to add, that he had mistreated me, or deliberately set out to hurt me! He had been very honest with me all the way! But, I had foolishly allowed feelings to develop, feelings which obviously went far deeper than I had expected. And this event simply triggered them. But we ended up having a really good chat, and even a couple of laughs. And so I hung up, feeling much better about things.

I slept very well that night - I was exhausted - and the next day, woke up still sore (emotionally) but my mind was back in control and doing its reasoning, sorting, and managing my feelings which was good. This time I think it finally sank in that there wasn't going to be an "us", this was NOT going to be the Grand Romance of my life, it was OVER.

And looking back back now after a couple of days, I realize that it had to happen for my true feelings to come to the surface and be dealt with. We've talked pretty extensively over the past couple of days as well and things have actually settled down! I do feel finally like I'm getting over him. Truly getting over him. I still like him a lot, I still think he's a great guy, I know we are going to be great friends! And I know that in time, we'll look back at the start of our friendship, these past few weeks of rollercoastering emotions, and have ourselves a quiet chuckle! Or maybe even a hooting laugh!

I have high regard for GIQ and his friendship and for the way he's been with me (with one or two exceptions which we've dealt with). It's been a new experience for me and yet, he's not treated me like some kind of psychopath or a lovesick kid (which is how I think I've acted on occasions) but as an adult who's gone through lots of changes in the last year or so and is on a very very steep learning curve. I've learned a lot about relationships, friendships and me over the past few weeks and that's always a good thing. If you can learn from your mistakes, you're less likely to repeat them. So, thanks GIQ! And thanks to the few of you who've known what's been happening and who've been so supportive of me and my emotionally instability! Big hug to you all.

Monty! xxx

All's well that ends well...

What a week it has been! From both a work and personal perspective, it's been all over the place! But thankfully, it's all ended up pretty damn well, so I can't complain.

With work, as I've mentioned in previous posts, it's insanely busy at the moment in the lead up to the end of financial year (June 30) and so it's late nights at work, constant phone calls and emails from clients PLUS our esteemed leaders, in all their "wisdom" decided that this is a great time to send us all off on training days! As if we have time to waste with training days at this time of year! Seriously, these people show again and again that they have NO idea what happens in the real world! We, the frontline staff, the ones who actually interact with the clients, the ones who actually keep the business coming in the front door (particularly in the three months leading up to 30 June) have enough on our plate without having to deal with the silly ideas of Head Office. Ok Ok, my little rant for the week is over. Sorry. :-) Anyway, despite the fact that it was a full on week, it was also a very successful week for me; I had some very significant results from the week which made it worthwhile. And yesterday (Friday), our boss took our team out for a loooooong lunch at the Athenian in Barrack St and we managed to drink ourselves through quite a few bottles of rather pleasant Reds...oh and the girls had some Whites too. whatever. So the week at work did end quite well indeed...with Monty just a touch tipsy and feeling at one with the world in general.

On a personal note, the week had a significant backward step, when the Gent that I've been seeing for the last couple of weeks popped over my place on Wednesday night. He has called off our, ummmm fledgling relationship, for want of a better description. He doesn't feel that he can provide me with the emotional response that he feels I should be getting. There's no question that we do have chemistry, I find him inordinately attractive, and he's a great guy, and he certainly seems to reciprocate. However on an emotional level, he can't. I certainly appreciate the fact that he did front up to me in person to give me the news and that he did it early on...he didn't want to string me along for a month or two and allow me to get more emotionally involved when he knew in his heart that it was never going to succeed from his perspective. The thing that I am pleased about is that he still wants to see me and maintain and build our friendship! I really like the guy, I get on well with him, have felt comfortable with him, the rapport is easy and natural. So, although he's not boyfriend material, I've made a very good friend and I can't complain about that!

He actually picked me up from work last night, we had dinner and saw a movie and it felt great! We both knew where we stood and so the pressure was off and we just enjoyed each other's company!

So, my week did end well! And I've always been a believer in the "All's well that ends well" philosophy! Campbell emailed me today and said that I come across to him as a "glass half full" type person, and it does pretty much sum me up! I have a generally positive attitude toward life and so I can usually find a positive in whatever I'm going through, irrespective of how bad it may seem at the time.

So Monty is back to the NDP - back to dating and therefore back to blogging more regularly! The dating stuff certainly makes for much more entertaining posts and I always want to keep you, my loyal readers, entertained and happy! :-)

And the weekend is looking pretty good too - I had a lovely late breakfast this morning with my mate Muzbot which was highly pleasant...perfect weather for it! Good company, good food...what more can a guy want! And tonight, I'm going to a Theatresports thingy that's been arranged by NSSG's boyfriend DG - should prove to be an interesting night and most likely a highly entertaining night! And it will be great to catch up with the boys, having just returned from their week in the Fijian sun! Enjoy the weekend everyone!

My week...

I am having a HELL of a week...or two....or three. In my line of work (Banking and Finance), this time of year is a nightmare! I love my job for 9 months of the year but April, May and June, I really don't like it! It's just so busy and the clients become very demanding and it's is just pure HELL!!! But, despite that, the last couple of weeks have been rather FANTASTIC! After hours that is. I'm, ummm, seeing a guy, and it's really really great at the moment! Monty's New Dating Paradigm has been cast aside...all newbies have been canned and Monty is just seeing the ONE GUY!!! *collective gasp* I'm not counting my chickens here, by the way! Enjoying it for the moment without any expectations. But whatever "this" is, it's pretty damn good!

I'm grinning without reason a lot at the moment! Hope everyone else has a great weekend because I know I will!!!!!