It's been a while since I've had a rant, and I know how much you enjoy me standing on my soap box, railing against some injustice (real or imagined). So here it is...
I actually read this comment on Gay Banker's blog which really annoyed me...
"Simple old truth: if you go out looking for love you'll never find it. The number of times I've seen people go out to 'find a boyfriend'... (almost) always ends in disaster. That kind of search is basically egocentric and selfish. You're out there looking because it's something *you* want to have or because you have so much love that *you* want to give to someone. It's rarely about the other person. It's all about you.Most of the time true love comes about when you accidentally find someone that you're compatible with, ie when you're not *looking*, you're just *doing* what you usually do, day in, day out and *bam* there he is. You start off travelling in parallel. The trick to longevity is figuring out how to keep travelling in parallel without losing too much of yourself."
What is it with these people who seem to have a problem with guys going out looking for a boyfriend??? Seriously, get over it! "Simple old truth: if you go out looking for love, you'll never find it." Bollocks!!! What a load of crap! Maybe you were a lucky one who was just toddling along, "not looking" and then Mr Right just turned up on your door. BUT that doesn't mean that it happens to everyone! It really cheeses me off when these kind of guys seem to act like they have some moral superiority because they were "not looking". What's wrong with looking for Mr Right? And what's with the assumption that all guys who are out there looking for Mr Right are automatically desperate? Just because a guy would like a partner in life and has got the balls to go out there and try and find him, is it a given that he's some kind of stalker-in-waiting? NO!
I know when I was looking, and when I did my rant back in January, there were comments about the fact that I shouldn't be actively looking but to just "let it happen". Well, I didn't stop looking and see what happened...McBrad! I'm very happy that I didn't let the condescending attitude of some put me off my search. There were also comments cautioning me not to come across as desperate...well, I don't think I did but there you have it, the assumption was there.
I'm reading a couple of blogs from lovely guys who are looking for a boyfriend, but when I read their posts (and the comments), you can't help but get the impression that they feel a little bit embarassed or ashamed of the fact that they're out there looking. Well guys, don't be! It takes guts to put yourself out there and openly admit that you're looking for a boyfriend. If you're lucky, you might stumble across the path of Mr Right and that's fantastic. But if you don't, good on you for going out looking. More power to you for actually getting off your arses and searching instead of just moaning about wanting a boyfriend.
I also have an issue with the idea that looking for a boyfriend is selfish. Why is it selfish to want a partner in life? Again, it's the condescension that "looking for love" is somehow inherently inferior to just "accidentally finding" it. It really annoys me! As far as I'm concerned, those guys who confess to "looking for love" are just being honest. Granted, there are guys who are genuinely not wanting a relationship, for a whole host of reasons and you have to respect that, but the ones who are ostensibly NOT looking for love but jump at it the second they find it are, from my perspective, being hypocritical when they decry others for looking for it.
OK, that's it, rant over.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Rant...part II...
Ok, I'm just going to be brutally honest here...I'm just finding that all the guys that I think may (and I stress MAY) have potential don't seem to see the same thing in me! So maybe it is me! Maybe I am giving off the wrong impression; maybe I'm not sending out the right vibe! The thing is...I'm just trying to be honest and maybe that's what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I should act as if I don't care; maybe I should pretend that all I'm after is something short term. But I can't. I've lived 36 years as a single man, and I now would prefer that I had someone to spend my Sunday mornings with. Is that wrong? It seems that most of my friends have managed to find someone...but still, I feel like I'm judged because I am actively looking! I can't help it. Sorry, but my name is Monty and I'm single and would like to change that. So sue me for being so upfront about it. All my friends seemed to be looking for "the one" and managed to do it...why is it that when I do it, suddenly the tables turn and I should "just let it happen"?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
A bit of a rant...
OK, I realize that it's only 8 days into the New Year and already I'm writing a rant! But hey, I suppose it's been something that's been lurking at the back of my mind for a while.
I've had quite a few good friends over the course of the past year who've all commenced relationships (does that sound right? gotten into relationships? coupled up? you get my drift) and don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them. But time and time again, I'll start seeing a guy, or be interested in a guy (who appears interested in me as well, so it's not just a one-sided thing) who then calls it off, saying that I shouldn't get into a relationship at this early stage of my gay life...that I'd be better off going out there and sowing my wild oates or words to that effect. And I've had this advice from my abovementioned friends as well. Now, I agree, I took a long time coming out and yes, I've sowed my fair share of wild oates (and I do think that was necessary), but I've been out for around 18 months now and I'm starting to get a bit tired of hearing that. At what stage is it considered that I'll have been out sufficient time to be ready for a relationship? Is there some magical number of months/years I need to hit??? I personally feel very ready for a relationship and despite what some may think, that's the purpose why I'm out there dating (and yes, I confess that I do have some fun along the way). But sometimes it just bugs me that whilst these people tell me just to relax and chill, that Mr Right will turn up "when I least expect it" and "when I'm not looking for him", they were all out there at one time, looking for their Mr Right* and they found him. I sometimes feel like I'm being judged for being a bit pro-active, in getting out there and actually dating lots of guys. Why do I have to wait for Mr Right? What if he's out there waiting as well? How the heck are we supposed to meet up if we're both sitting around waiting for each other to turn up?
It also aggravates me (I'm warming up now) that when I meet a guy that I like, and I've expressed this to a friend (and I'm not naming names, here; there's more than one friend who's said this to me), I get a warning to "back off" or to "just don't get too much into him" or "don't show him how much you like him too quickly" (not that I think I do, but that's subjective I suppose) and then I turn around and the friend has met a guy and fallen in love in a matter of weeks??? And apparently the speed at which they've moved is all justified (for them) because this is "the one". I do realize that you don't want to come on too strong, or get too clingy etc, it isn't exactly rocket science.
Where's the logic? Where's the fairness? It just feels sometimes a little patronising.
And don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly, and I value their opinions...particularly the ones who've been out for a while and who know the ropes. But after 18 months out (not to mention 36 years of life), and not an inconsiderable number of dates under my belt, I think I can handle myself.
OK, rant over.
I'm at Day 2 of my new job and so far so good. I've got great new colleagues, a great boss and the clients seem nice. Of course, January is a good time to start, as it's dead quiet. We'll see how I feel come April, May and June!
* Just a point of clarification...when I use the term "Mr Right", I'm not suggesting at all that I think that there is just one guy out there who is perfect for me...I realize (despite what people may think) that successful relationships require hard work and commitment. It's not all running along beaches hand in hand and snuggling in winter. When I use "Mr Right", I am simply referring to a man who I can fall in love with and who'll love me in return.
I've had quite a few good friends over the course of the past year who've all commenced relationships (does that sound right? gotten into relationships? coupled up? you get my drift) and don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for them. But time and time again, I'll start seeing a guy, or be interested in a guy (who appears interested in me as well, so it's not just a one-sided thing) who then calls it off, saying that I shouldn't get into a relationship at this early stage of my gay life...that I'd be better off going out there and sowing my wild oates or words to that effect. And I've had this advice from my abovementioned friends as well. Now, I agree, I took a long time coming out and yes, I've sowed my fair share of wild oates (and I do think that was necessary), but I've been out for around 18 months now and I'm starting to get a bit tired of hearing that. At what stage is it considered that I'll have been out sufficient time to be ready for a relationship? Is there some magical number of months/years I need to hit??? I personally feel very ready for a relationship and despite what some may think, that's the purpose why I'm out there dating (and yes, I confess that I do have some fun along the way). But sometimes it just bugs me that whilst these people tell me just to relax and chill, that Mr Right will turn up "when I least expect it" and "when I'm not looking for him", they were all out there at one time, looking for their Mr Right* and they found him. I sometimes feel like I'm being judged for being a bit pro-active, in getting out there and actually dating lots of guys. Why do I have to wait for Mr Right? What if he's out there waiting as well? How the heck are we supposed to meet up if we're both sitting around waiting for each other to turn up?
It also aggravates me (I'm warming up now) that when I meet a guy that I like, and I've expressed this to a friend (and I'm not naming names, here; there's more than one friend who's said this to me), I get a warning to "back off" or to "just don't get too much into him" or "don't show him how much you like him too quickly" (not that I think I do, but that's subjective I suppose) and then I turn around and the friend has met a guy and fallen in love in a matter of weeks??? And apparently the speed at which they've moved is all justified (for them) because this is "the one". I do realize that you don't want to come on too strong, or get too clingy etc, it isn't exactly rocket science.
Where's the logic? Where's the fairness? It just feels sometimes a little patronising.
And don't get me wrong, I love my friends dearly, and I value their opinions...particularly the ones who've been out for a while and who know the ropes. But after 18 months out (not to mention 36 years of life), and not an inconsiderable number of dates under my belt, I think I can handle myself.
OK, rant over.
I'm at Day 2 of my new job and so far so good. I've got great new colleagues, a great boss and the clients seem nice. Of course, January is a good time to start, as it's dead quiet. We'll see how I feel come April, May and June!
* Just a point of clarification...when I use the term "Mr Right", I'm not suggesting at all that I think that there is just one guy out there who is perfect for me...I realize (despite what people may think) that successful relationships require hard work and commitment. It's not all running along beaches hand in hand and snuggling in winter. When I use "Mr Right", I am simply referring to a man who I can fall in love with and who'll love me in return.
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