Monty's Miscellaneous Musings...

I was talking to my mate Dan the other day. Dan also works for the Bank, in a different division, in a different building. So we email each other quite a lot. We're trying to tee up a night to go out and actually catch up, because we haven't seen each other since I returned from holidays.

As it happens when you email, invariably you start chatting about stuff instead of storing it up for when you meet. And so I was telling him about my holiday, and particularly he was interested in my, ummmm, success with the gents. And so I told him. His reaction was "Monty, you are a Slut with a CAPITAL S". He said this jokingly, but it did get me thinking about something that had been on my mind.

I have this internal conflict - one the one hand, my friends keep telling me "Monty, you're young(-ish), single, and you've been out for not quite 18 months. Go out and have some fun!" And for all my faithful readers, you'll know that I've certainly endeavoured to take this advice very seriously! :-) And it's been lots of fun! BUT, on the other hand, I have been brought up in a very strictly moral family, with very traditional values. Growing up, I was determined to remain chaste until I got married. And I did, until age 28 when I had my first sexual experience...with Andy! But even after that, I had terrible feelings of guilt and was abstinent for months and months after that. Eventually, I couldn't stand it and had another encounter, but then the guilt feelings would happen and it all started again. This happened for years, until I finally accepted the fact that I was gay, and then made the decision to come out. And of course, since then, I've made up for lost time. But still, in the back of my mind, sometimes a little voice is telling me that I shouldn't sleep around so much, that I should control my urges. I don't particularly want to be known as a tart or a slut or any other similar epithet. And I do know that my friends don't really think badly of me when I do have my little bit of fun. But sometimes, it still concerns me.

I also know that I would very much prefer to be in a monogamous relationship - that's my ideal. And it's something that is inherent in me...I've grown up with monogamy being presented as the only option and whilst things have changed, I still seek it. Even when I was seeing C3 and Bruce, the minute we started dating, I cancelled any other dates I had planned, and was happily monogamous for the duration of our relationship.

This is a bit of a ramble I know, but it's just something that has been niggling me.