The Risk Return Equation...

OK, I work in finance and so the Risk Return Equation is a part of my daily life. I'm always discussing with my clients their risk profile - their appetite for risk with investments. Some are very conservative and will only invest in blue chip companies or even worse, just in cash products. Some are a bit more balanced, willing to have some conservative investments combined with some more aggressive stocks. Others are just full on aggressive, with highly speculative stocks making up the bulk of their portfolio. Fundamentally, the higher the risk that one takes with one's investments, the higher the return. But you also must be prepared to wear the downside when the high risk doesn't pay off.
And the same applies in life, particularly as I've experienced in the last month or so, with matters of the heart. There are some guys who are the conservative sort when it comes to finding Mr Right...they are very low risk, will only make a move when success is virtually guaranteed (the "blue chip relationship"), or possibly not willing to give it a go at all (the "cash" approach to relationships). This may be due to their upbringing, their personality or possibly due to having been burned in a past relationship. There are those who take a more balanced approach, having a reasonably open mind and approach to relationships. They won't throw themselves into a relationship straight away, but are willing to let things take their course and see where it goes without committing themselves. If it doesn't work, they haven't had their hearts broken, but if it works, then all good! And then there's the high risk takers - guys who "wear their hearts on their sleeves"; are very emotionally open and will jump into a relationship quickly when the spark is there and the chemistry is happening. This can have its payoff when the relationship happens and they end up happily partnered with the man of their dreams. But conversely, it can all go pear shaped very quickly and leave them heartbroken and very hurt. The higher the risk, the higher the return!

Which brings us to me...I used to be the first type...ultra conservative - I was the "cash" relationship guy before I came out, because I didn't want to get into a relationship with a girl, knowing that it would not go anywhere. And once I did come out, I initially started taking the "blue chip" approach...it was more a result of my personality, my newness to gay life, and also I think a bit of my generally conservative upbringing as well. But I have found myself as the months progress become more and more willing to put myself out there emotionally speaking. I've noticed that my appetite for risk (emotionally speaking) is developing more and more. If I find a guy that I like and who seems to like me, I'm quite willing to give it a go. I tend to jump in feet first and hope for the best.

And so in the past month, as you have probably noticed, I've seen firsthand the results of me throwing myself emotionally into a relationship...I've gone from singing about how good I feel to hitting rock bottom. And everything in between! But, I have been talking with the Gent in Question who has been the cause of the aforementioned highs and lows and I think we've actually settled it. Which is good. I think our relationship going forward will actually be one of friendship only and I've finally reconciled in my mind that fact. There won't be a romantic relationship full stop. (hmmm, wonder if that's tautology, writing "full stop" and then using a full stop to end the sentence?)

But still, the highs were very good and so I'm not put off trying that again...perhaps I will be slightly more circumspect next time round, but fundamentally, I still think I'm prepared to put it out there emotionally if the sparks are there! Anyway, I'm sure we'll find out in due course.

On a slightly different subject, "Holding The Man"...saw it with The Patient Craig, dapper as always and draped elegantly in Armani and Boss, The very chilled and super cool Trevor, The Charming and yet slightly wicked-gleam-in-his-eye Frenchman Sylvain and the rather hilarious Aussie-Brentonbum-alicious who looked just a touch cold...never a good idea to do a Naked Run around the Opera House at this time of year - thankfully, Trevor came to the rescue and bedecked him with his overcoat, complete with boiled lollies in the pockets!

The play on the other hand, as has been well reported in everyone's blogs so far, did not quite meet expectations. Perhaps my expectations had been heightened somewhat, and I was fully expecting the first half to be belly-laugh-city and the second half to be weeping-my-tits-off-city. Which is was neither! I do think that having read the book, it is always going to be a challenge to replicate on a stage or a movie set for that matter. And so while it was a good play, and the actors were a bit of all-right-and-a-half in the looks department, I did feel slightly cheated that I didn't get to have a good ol' cry at the end!

But none-the-less, I am glad I got to see it and a big thanks to Superchilled and The Frenchman who did such a marvellous job in arranging the evening!

The weekend has been one of unexpected surprise and delight so I am looking forward to the coming week - despite the hectic pace of work - and more importantly, to next weekend, as I'm off to the Beach House with my friends James and Jacqui and maybe a surprise guest or two...
It's not exactly beach house weather - too damn cold to swim for a North Queensland boy like me, but it's always lovely to relax in the sun, cook (and eat) good food, accompanied by some fine wine and pleasant company!

Ciao 4 niao!