Autumn...

I woke up this morning feeling fabulous! Not because anything marvellous is happening in my life or anything - it's just the weather! I love this time of year! April is always such a lovely month (yes, yes, I know it's only the 31st March but it's April tomorrow) - clear skies, cool but dry, and the deciduous trees make a magnificent display in the street next to mine! I've always found that my mood is lifted when it's like this.

You can just sniff winter around the corner, with it's log fires (well, at least here on the Nth Shore, people do have log fires and they smell wonderful in the neighbourhood), crisp mornings, blue blue skies - I've always got so much more energy in cooler weather! Coming from Nth Qld, where mid-winter is the equivalent of April in Sydney, I can't get enough of the cold! Bring it on!!! It's always a remarkable phenomenon to me, the fact that as soon Daylight Savings ends, it suddenly gets cooler - or at least it seems like it does! Was it just me, or did anyone else miss the fact that DLS was finishing last Sunday? I woke up, toddled around home, doing my usual Sunday stuff and turned on the TV at 6pm to watch the news and the news wasn't on! I was so confused - I actually ended up ringing up a friend who advised me to change my clocks! How embarassing!

And that's the other thing...as soon as it starts getting cool, I get into this retro-80's mood! I've been playing all my old music today - Kylie's first couple of albums, Pet Shop Boys, Faith (George Michael) and yes, even Richard Marx (collective gasp). Fabulous! I don't know why I get this way, but unfailingly it happens! When I used to live with flat-mates, they dreaded this time of year...but luckily, now that I live alone, it's not an issue - well, maybe my neighbours may be objecting, but they don't count!

And speaking of 80's pop, Pet Shop Boys are in town! And I'm currently trying to locate friends who would like to go next Friday (yes, Easter Friday) to their concert at the Hordern Pavillion - ahhh the Hordern, such fond memories for me from Mardi Gras! I am a HUGE PSB fan, and so I am fanging to see them!

Some gratuitous eye candy...

mmmmmmmm...

ABC...

Wednesday night on the ABC is just the best...

1. Spicks and Specks - the BEST show on TV - how much better can you get than Adam Hills as host with team captains Alan Brough and Mif Wyhurst.
2. The Chaser's War on Everything...need one say more?
3. The Worst Week of My Life - BBC at it's best! Hilarious! Shame that's it's now finished!
4. At the Movies - the widely dissimilar views of David and Margaret are the universal panacea!

Three Meme...

This is thanks to Tom...

Three Things That Scare Me:
Scary movies...I'm crap at them.
Not being in control...yep, I'm a control freak
Snakes, spiders, the usual stuff

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
My friend Englishman in Budapest...every Sunday night
Tequilla Mockingbird
Drs Frasier and Niles Crane

Three Things I Love:
Sydney in summer
A good drop of shiraz
Mr Right (just waiting to find him)

Three Things I Hate:
Illogical behaviour
Anchovies
Uncleanness (is there such a word?)

Three Things I Don’t Understand:
Why we can't adopt the Italian concept of siesta!
Why I keep meeting great guys who I think could be Mr Right (see above) and they aren't attracted to me...what the...?
Why traffic slows when there's no sane reason for it

Three Things On My Desk: (at home)
Umm, my PC
A huge jar of coin that is getting fuller and fuller by the day (really must take it into a bank one of these days and get it converted - there's gotta be a couple of hundred dollars there)
Pictures of my favourite people

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
Answering a question posed by one of my colleagues (I'm at work)
Eating Maltesers
Doing this meme

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
Find Mr Right (hmmm, there's a theme happening here)
Shag the pants off said Mr Right
Climb Ayres Rock (not exactly challenging, but hey, I do want to do it)

Three Things I Can Do:
Dinner Parties!
Floral arrangements (how gay is that)
Meet guys

Three Things I Can’t Do:
Lift my own body weight (I don't think so anyway, haven't really tried)
Fix my car (I'm lucky if I put fuel in it)
Do the Boston Marathon

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
The sound of pouring rain on a tin roof while lying in bed
The sound of silence at about 3pm on a Saturday afternoon on a hot summers day
Pet Shop Boys

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
NSW State of Origin supporters (not that you can understand them at the best of times anyway)
Crap music (I'll leave it to you to decide what that encompasses)
The alarm trying to wake you in the morning

Three Things I’d Like To Learn (but won’t):
Italian
My violin - I'd love to continue learning but doubt I'll ever get time
Management skills

Three Favourite Foods:
Cinnamon - well, not so much a food as a flavour
Caramel - tarts, slices, fudge...anything containing caramel
Roast leg of lamb - I'd give up dinner with Tom Cruise any day!

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
Banana Split
Bewitched
Are You Being Served?

Unconsious mutterings...

Groovy :: Baby yeah!!! (ya gotta love Austin Powers)
Jealousy :: Gav (sorry mate, just read your blog)
Watching :: -and waiting...for you, to justify my love
Kenny :: Portaloos
Games :: -that people play
Bread :: Water
City :: Sex and the-
Stems :: -of flowers
Birds :: Hitchcock
Listener :: The Night-

Dating...

I was thinking the other day about my personal situation...I've been telling friends recently that I think I'm moving on from my so-called "slutty phase" and that I'm feeling ready to get into something a bit more long term. All well and good. Nice plan Monty.

The problem is that it feels like once you're on the Gaydar round-about, how do you know when to jump off? I meet a nice guy, and think...'hmmm, I like him'...but then, I get a message from another guy who seem just as lovely, good looking, grounded etc and so I wonder, could he be better? GD appears to be full of good looking and seemingly perfect men (and of course, the odd psycho), and it's quite intoxicating sometimes! The endless round of drinks with guys after work, the odd encounter or two, is very stimulating and flattering to a degree (except when you meet the aforementioned psycho - see last week's post). But sooner or later, you need to consciously step off the merry-go-round...the challenge is when? At what point do you decide 'this is the guy that I'm going to focus on' and not keep planning more dates with more guys 'just in case'???

It seems like the old-fashioned way of dating seemed a bit more straight forward..you met someone at a party, or in a bar, or at friends' places etc etc and liked them, asked them out and went from there. There was less distraction I suppose than GD with its plethora of men all looking and messaging and tempting you! You could focus on the one guy and not have to worry (as much) about getting waylaid by other guys who may or may not be better than the guy you were with.

And the other wicked thing about GD is the many opportunities for encounters...which, while highly enjoyable, can be very distracting and simply muddy the waters when one is looking for something a bit more meaningful and long term.

Any suggestions would be welcome! And any offers would also be welcome! he he he!

Formatting...

Just a very quick apology - my formatting is appalling on this Blog, but I have no idea how to do it properly. All these IT specialists and graphic designers who blog have fabulous looking blogs, and mine is CRAP! But hey, we can't all be perfect! lol

Unconscious Mutterings...

San Francisco :: Streets of...
Sadness :: Enigma
Spirits :: Vodka
Harriet :: Harry
State :: ...of confusion
John :: Doe (I watch too much CSI)
Offense :: ...ive
TImeless :: Audrey Hepburn
Account :: Bank
Refuse :: ...d entry (this is curtesy of an image of Muzbot in Waratahs jumper at the Columbian)

The Bridge Walk...

What a great day! And a great event! It was fantastic just to be part of such a milestone, and to be part of a great sea of fluro green hats!

Just a couple of pix from the walk!

And the view from the Hero where we ended up for a couple of beers afterward!

It's Her 75th Anniversary...

I'm rather excited at the moment...tomorrow, well actually today now that it's 1.30am Sunday, I'm going to do the Sydney Harbour Bridge walk with approximately 200,000 other Sydneysiders to celebrate the Bridge's 75th anniversary. It's a big thing here in Sydney; they're actually closing the Bridge off from 4am until midnight which is the longest time the bridge has ever been closed!

I was reading an interview with the guy in charge of the Bridge maintenance team in the paper today and it was fascinating, seeing his very personal and up-close perspective on the bridge. And he said that the bridge is more than an "it", an impersonal piece of infrastructure. He called the bridge a "her", with moods, personality and language. And I thought that sounded pretty cool. I think everyone in Sydney feels an affilliation with the Bridge simply because of it's (or rather her) importance to the city. Not only does she carry thousands of people across the harbour on a daily basis, both via car and train, but also is a fundamental tourist attraction. It's an iconic part of Sydney!

So I'm feeling rather chuffed that I get to walk across the bridge later today to celebrate with my fellow Sydneysiders, and afterward, end up at the Lordy or the Hero in the Rocks for a beer or two.

Happy Anniversary SHB!

Desperation...

It's interesting, I had this great chat with my mate Englishman in Budapest on Sunday night, as we generally do, and I was feeling a little down. I consider him one of my closest friends now - he gets all of the details of my life (both sordid and sacred) downloaded to him on a weekly basis - he's very level headed and gives me his perspective on things. He's helped me many times and he's also great for a laugh!

Anyway, the conversation progressed to a discussion about how desperation can be quite a turn-off. And this week, I experienced it first hand. Met up with this guy on Tuesday night after work for a drink in a pub in the city. He'd told me he was divorced from his wife and was the proud father of 3. OK, so there's bound to be a little baggage. But he seemed nice enough and so agreed to meet him.

We had a good time, had a couple of beers and a pleasant conversation. He kept telling me how good looking I was and how hot I was etc etc and I thought it was best I tried to keep him a bit grounded by telling him that I was seeing a couple of other guys later in the week (which I was). Just so that he knew he wasn't the only guy on my radar and to be honest and upfront with him as well. Whether this is a good idea or not, I don't know. But I'd prefer that to pretending he's the only one in my life! Hey, we met on Gaydar for crying out loud, it's practically expected.

Anyway, he was a bit put off by this. But I was glad, because I thought he was getting way too much into me, I'm sure he was planning for me to move in with him...just the way he was talking! So, we parted ways and I told him that I'd definitely talk to him again, see him etc. He is a really nice guy, don't get me wrong...he just was very enthusiastic about me.

Two text messages on the bus home. And then another one when I got home...the third one saying words to the effect that he didn't like the other guys I was seeing and hoped that I would pick him. I didn't reply.

Got a message later that night on Gaydar. Same sentiments. "Don't keep me waiting because I'm seeing other guys too and you might miss out" kind of stuff.

Got a text at 7am the next morning. I didn't reply. Got a text about 8:30am..."why haven't you replied to me?" I replied...it was a busy morning and the day was going to be insane! Another message at 1pm that day - "thinking of you, is that wrong?". And since then, at least a couple of texts each day! What is this???

On Tuesday night, I quite liked him, thought he was interesting, kinda cute and reasonably sane. With each text message, he just sounds more and more psychotic! He just seems so desperate to get into a relationship with me! or perhaps not me specifically, but anyone - I'm just the guy that showed up at the pub!

And I've now seen exactly what EIB was talking about on Sunday night! Desperation is VERY off-putting! And it's made me determined NOT to be like that in the future (not that I have ever been quite so intense)...I'm going to be calm, collected and chilled...even if I think I have met Mr Right! And I'm going to stop thinking I've met Mr Right until he becomes Mr Right - and that will take quite a few dates before that happens!

EIB comes to Monty's rescue once again!

Unconsious mutterings....

Contribution :: to the Team
Ryan :: Phillipe
Minimal :: Pet Shop Boys
Cleansed :: and Toned
Centered :: Self-
Arrow :: Fairlie (does anyone remember her?)
Beyond :: redemption
Execute :: documents
Intuition :: something I lack
Apology :: sorry

Mardi Gras 07...Part II...

It's been a week since the last entry and what can I say...I've been busy! I think I consumed more alcohol in the past 4 days than I have in the previous 4 months! I've killed a considerable number of my brain cells, but I think they drowned in the quantity rather than being killed by the alcohol itself!

But it has been weighing on my mind, the fact that I still had more MG feedback...so here goes Part II.

To lead in...a quote from the original blog entry..."But what made the night stand out particularly were things that I had never expected."

3. One of the guys I had arranged to meet up with, Guy no. 1, messaged me later that night. By that stage, I had just left The Californian, and so it was perfect timing. We met up, outside the Gaydar tent (highly appropriate as we had first met via GD) at 3.30am. It was a kind of a strange experience for a first time meet, no drink/coffee in hand, in a unique environment, with all sorts walking/staggering by; the noise of the revelry requiring us to talk rather loudly! But he seemed like an interesting guy and the conversation flowed. We ended up walking around the buildings and found ourselves a planter box and perched ourselves on the edge and kept talking. And talking. And talking! It was quite an incredible experience - and one I would never have expected at the MG afterparty - having a 90 minute CONVERSATION with a really lovely guy! Both of us were relatively sober, having both stopped alcoholic intake at about the same time (midnight) and so the conversation was reasonably intelligent and quite varied. We just clicked! It was FANTASTIC! And I never would have thought I would say that about having carried on a conversation at Mardi Gras! My expectations were, ahem, slightly less to do with the organ between the ears, and more to do with the organ between ones legs! We left the party at 5am and I was elated that I had made a friend! What's the odds??? We met up last Wednesday for a couple of drinks after work; another interesting conversation entailed. We had a nice chat on the phone last night and we're currently trying to schedule ourselves another outing, hopefully later this week. The guy is a lovely man; he only came out NYE06 and only registered with Gaydar in December so we have a lot in common to discuss, similar issues to address and I think we're in pretty much the same place in life.

4. The final unexpected thing to come from MG didn't actually hit me until a couple of days later. I was meeting up with a friend at the Columbian on Tuesday evening, and as I work in the city, thought it would be just as quick to walk there than catch a taxi. And it was a pleasant evening so I was actually looking forward to a brisk stroll. As I walked up Oxford St, for the first time, I suddenly felt comfortable in my skin. I wasn't slinking up Oxford St, worried that someone might see me and think I was gay. I was strollling up Oxford St with confidence, not caring who saw me, and what implications they may take from that. I am a gay man, and I was meeting a gay friend at a gay bar, and who cares! It felt awesome! And as the realization hit me, I thought about why I was suddenly feeling this way. And fundamentally, it was due to the Mardi Gras. I know some Sydney gays disparage MG, refuse to attend or just ignore it, but despite the overriding shallowness (is there such a word?), there is a message in MG of acceptance. And really, it was in attending it, being part of it, walking around MG holding a guy's hand, snogging him for all to see, bumping and grinding with some sweaty guy on the dance floor (in the literal sense of the word, not the implied sense...get your minds OUT of the gutters) AND NO-ONE CARED that really helped me feel comfortable in who I was...I'm a guy who likes other guys! And that is fine!

Unconsious mutterings....

Nude :: -ie Juice
Support :: mechanism
Rachel:: Griffiths
Crane :: Frasier
Candy bar :: movies
Material :: Girl
Mind games :: over them!
Eviction :: notice
Produce :: Fruit and Veg
Joke :: of the day

Mardi Gras 07...

WOW! Mardi Gras 2007 has come and gone! 24 hours since the celebrations commenced, I'm here at home still in awe of the night! Where do you start???

Firstly, the night met and in some respects, exceeded my expectations! I had a completely awesome time! But what made the night stand out particularly were things that I had never expected.

1. I watched the parade from the balcony of a friend's friend's place on Flinders St. The friends that I went with were actually my older brother Mark's friends. And so it turned out that I knew a few people at this party. One person in particular did I know quite well. And this was the unexpected element...for it was Andy, my first ever gay experience! He and his boyfriend had come up (they live in Adelaide now) for Mardi Gras and so when I turned around and there was Andy standing next to me, I got the shock of my life! It was quite a strange feeling, strange but kind of appropriate - strange as I hadn't seen him since the Sydney Olympics and appropriate, because here, at my first ever Mardi Gras was the guy that had given my first ever gay experience. I had very mixed feelings, as I have certainly moved on since then, and Andy is not really what I would call my type. But it also had a certain nostalgic element and he had the same wicked gleam in his eye which is very appealing. I was tempted I confess...

2. About 1:30am, we'd been dancing for a over an hour and decided to go outside for a bit of a breather. After the oppressive heat and humidity in the RHI, just being outside was such a relief. I was also glad to be out because I had tentatively arranged to meet up with a few guys - Gaydar contacts - and so wanted a chance to see if I can find any of them. After a quick bottle of water, my friends decided to go to the Horden Pavillion as Boy George was the guest DJ there. I let them go as I wanted to meet these guys. But I was also unsure, as I didn't know if I had any chance of finding these guys. I had their mobile numbers of course, but I thought it would be difficult to get in contact with them. I said goodbye to my friends and as soon as their backs turned, my phone beeped, and I had a message! "I'm here at the Horden now at 1.30". It was from a guy that I have been chatting to for about 2 weeks and he had messaged me that afternoon to tell me he'd finally decided to go to the party and so had purchased a ticket and wanted to meet up with me. So I was thrilled that he was actually serious about meeting me. Before I had a chance to reply, my phone beeped again and it was a message from another guy - one I have been talking to for about 3 weeks! "Where are you? P" Now I had a choice! That threw me a bit...who did I want to see more? But wait, there's more! My phone beeped again! "Where are you?" It was The Californian, a guy that I have had three dates with now, the last being three nights earlier. He is totally my type, in every way and I'm thoroughly into him!!! I'd shag him in a heartbeat! I couldn't believe that I had a choice of three guys to meet up with, all of them really good looking, interesting guys. Choices choices! But for me, it really wasn't a difficult decision. The Californian! I message the other two back and suggested a later time. And went to find The Californian. He told me he was waiting in front of the DJ between the RHI and the Horden. I started walking toward the DJ and saw him...OH MY GOODNESS! ! ! He was standing, or rather, leaning there, nonchalantly in a leather mask, black leather sleeves, and a pair of black short shorts, more glorified Speedos really. And HE LOOKED HOT! I walked up to him, smiled at him, and in the middle of a crowd of people, kissed him! Fireworks city! This was like all my Christmases had come at once! Here I was, a 35 yr old office worker, reasonable looking but not model material, in OK shape, and I was kissing, passionately, this absolute STUD in front of all of these other hot guys! My ultimate Mardi Gras experience! It encapsulated everything that I had come out for I suppose! Granted, it was very much a physical encounter, but in many ways, it also felt like a very important step in my 'coming out' experience! It was quite simply one of the hottest moments I've ever had, and yet, it was just kissing! It just felt so much more than a snog though - a very liberating moment! And that's the other thing which I suppose was part of it, the fact that I had the confidence to do it! I'm normally a fairly shy person, and hesitate to take that first step unless I'm absolutely sure, but last night, I just marched on up and let him have it...boy did I let him have it. And he certainly didn't seem to object!

3. Well, I think I shall have to continue this blog another time...it's already much longer than I had anticipated...

Friday...

It's been an insane week, with no time at all to blog. Purchased my ticket to the Mardi Gras party on Tuesday and so I'm now looking forward to the party! It will be interesting to see what all the fuss is about! And to have a dance! And whatever else happens! More to come on Monday!

Happy Mardi Gras everyone!