I was thinking the other day about my personal situation...I've been telling friends recently that I think I'm moving on from my so-called "slutty phase" and that I'm feeling ready to get into something a bit more long term. All well and good. Nice plan Monty.
The problem is that it feels like once you're on the Gaydar round-about, how do you know when to jump off? I meet a nice guy, and think...'hmmm, I like him'...but then, I get a message from another guy who seem just as lovely, good looking, grounded etc and so I wonder, could he be better? GD appears to be full of good looking and seemingly perfect men (and of course, the odd psycho), and it's quite intoxicating sometimes! The endless round of drinks with guys after work, the odd encounter or two, is very stimulating and flattering to a degree (except when you meet the aforementioned psycho - see last week's post). But sooner or later, you need to consciously step off the merry-go-round...the challenge is when? At what point do you decide 'this is the guy that I'm going to focus on' and not keep planning more dates with more guys 'just in case'???
It seems like the old-fashioned way of dating seemed a bit more straight forward..you met someone at a party, or in a bar, or at friends' places etc etc and liked them, asked them out and went from there. There was less distraction I suppose than GD with its plethora of men all looking and messaging and tempting you! You could focus on the one guy and not have to worry (as much) about getting waylaid by other guys who may or may not be better than the guy you were with.
And the other wicked thing about GD is the many opportunities for encounters...which, while highly enjoyable, can be very distracting and simply muddy the waters when one is looking for something a bit more meaningful and long term.
Any suggestions would be welcome! And any offers would also be welcome! he he he!
The problem is that it feels like once you're on the Gaydar round-about, how do you know when to jump off? I meet a nice guy, and think...'hmmm, I like him'...but then, I get a message from another guy who seem just as lovely, good looking, grounded etc and so I wonder, could he be better? GD appears to be full of good looking and seemingly perfect men (and of course, the odd psycho), and it's quite intoxicating sometimes! The endless round of drinks with guys after work, the odd encounter or two, is very stimulating and flattering to a degree (except when you meet the aforementioned psycho - see last week's post). But sooner or later, you need to consciously step off the merry-go-round...the challenge is when? At what point do you decide 'this is the guy that I'm going to focus on' and not keep planning more dates with more guys 'just in case'???
It seems like the old-fashioned way of dating seemed a bit more straight forward..you met someone at a party, or in a bar, or at friends' places etc etc and liked them, asked them out and went from there. There was less distraction I suppose than GD with its plethora of men all looking and messaging and tempting you! You could focus on the one guy and not have to worry (as much) about getting waylaid by other guys who may or may not be better than the guy you were with.
And the other wicked thing about GD is the many opportunities for encounters...which, while highly enjoyable, can be very distracting and simply muddy the waters when one is looking for something a bit more meaningful and long term.
Any suggestions would be welcome! And any offers would also be welcome! he he he!
8 comments:
Agreed with you about the old fashioned way. I met my ex in person, in real life, and had a several great years with him. Contrast that with my experience where I met a guy the other week from Gaydar. He was dull, boring and uninterested (and no he wasn't nervous). I don't know why I bothered if he was about as good as it gets on Gaydar... i.e. he actually seemed like a genuinely interesting person with varied interests. When it comes to meeting "the man", you're really talking about the best best friend you'll ever have, and all of my best friends were people I met in real life, not off the internet.
hmmm... doesn't quite sound like you're really ready to move on from your "slutty phase" just yet. :)
In my experience, I've found that there's no planning for "when" you'll fall for someone, just as much as you can't plan on "who" or "how. It just happens, out of your control... and what a great ride that will be.
So how did you go with last week's psycho?
Thanks guys. James, most people I talk to say that while you can meet good friends on GD, the chances of meeting THE ONE are slim. So you might have it there!
Muz, I honestly don't know! And I think you're right in that it will just happen, and I'll know when it is the right time and person!
Campbell - let's just say that psycho is history! Thank goodness!
Hey Monty, whilst I may not be the best person to offer advice - I am a believer of the diamond in the rough philosophy when it comes to meeting people on line.
Whether or not you are prepared to get down on your hands and knees and sift through all of the dirt is another matter!
You are trapped in the gay cycle....and the problem with sydney gay men. There is always something better around the corner. You may be looking or he may be looking. Gaydar is great but it gets old.
My-slant...not sure whether I should be on my hands and knees, may give the wrong impression! LOL
NSSG - yes to a degree. That being said, I'm now meeting less new guys, and instead, meeting existing guys for the 2nd & 3rd time etc. I'm trying to at least slow the merry-go-round! :-)
this cycle is one of the main reasons why quit gaydar and the online thing in general.
think about it: you're met someone but you're still going online hoping to find someone better. at the same time each guy you meet is also doing the same thing back to you. do you really think this will end?
i say ask yourself why you truly want to end the "slutty phase". if it's simply because it's something you feel you should do rather than want to do, then it's not going to work. if you're enjoying your time meeting guys then i say don't stop because in your heart that's what you want to do and you're enjoying yourself.
when it's time to end the online dating thing, you'll know.
Gav
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